The Obama administration has had a lot of problems with appointees to key administration positions. Many of these problems could have been avoided with proper vetting. As I have been involved in the successful vetting of new contributors to this blog, I have decided, in the spirit of bi-partisanship (I am one of those rare conservatives who does not want to see America fail), to offer the Obama administration my vetting expertise.
I have prepared a questionnaire with 25 essential questions for new appointees:
1) I owe $__________________ in back-taxes.
2) My Countrywide mortgage is ______ points below prime.
3) I own ____ sets of Obama commemorative plates.
4) The character from “The West Wing” I am most like is __________________.
5) I am a lobbyist, but not one of the evil ones.
6) Who leads the Republican Party?
A) Rush Limbaugh
B) Dick Cheney
C) Richard Nixon
D) Karl Rove
E) Satan (i.e. all of the above)
7) If I were a tree, I would be a ___________.
8) You are tasked with the seating arrangements for a state dinner. Which of the following pairs would you seat on either side of the Dalai Lama?
A) Stephen Spielberg and Bernie Madoff
B) Mao Zedong and Sean Penn
C) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez
D) Richard Gere and Carl Spackler
9) Translate the following phrase into Russian: “I am so sorry that America was lead by an incompetent cowboy for the last eight years. Now you will get the change you deserve!”
10) I have never seen a tax proposal I didn’t like.
TRUE TRUE UNTIL I SAW THIS
11) My Spouse is a lobbyist, but not one of the evil ones.
12) _____ of my kids are lobbyists, but not evil ones.
13) When the stock market goes down, who deserves the blame?
A) George W. Bush
B) Jim Cramer
C) Adam Smith
D) Herbert Hoover
E) The Rich
14) When the stock market goes up, who deserves the credit?
A) Barack Obama and Timothy Geithner
B) Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi
C) Barack Obama and Harry Reid
D) Barack Obama and investors who have finally realized that socialism is good for business
15) The reason I didn’t pay all of my taxes is:
A) Taxes are only for rich people
B) My accountant is a Republican
C) Turbo tax didn’t have a line for income from white slavery
D) I didn’t realize income from helping Nigerian officials get money out of the country was taxable
16) My favorite Beatle is:
17) I have space for _____ Gitmo detainees in my guest house.
18) George W. Bush was duped into the Iraq war by the Jews.
TRUE, BUT THERE IS NO PUBLIC RECORD OF ME SAYING SO
19) Earmarks are:
C) A waste of the taxpayer’s money
D) A good way to win support for important legislation
E) All of the above
20) Which amount of taxpayer money is the least amount you would consider a lot of money?
A) 500 billion dollars
B) A trillion dollars
C) 10 trillion dollars
D) Who cares, I don’t pay taxes, anyway
21) Is there a grand jury investigating you?
22) Which of the following apply to your domestic staff (circle all that apply):
MAKING SUB-MINIMUM WAGE
NO PAYROLL TAXES
NO WORKERS COMP INSURANCE
SUING FOR SEXUAL HARASSMMENT
23) Name three world leaders (not counting Barack Obama):
24) Pork is:
A) High in cholesterol
B) Forbidden by the Koran
C) A libelous term for legitimate spending
25) Please list all of the countries for which you are a paid lobbyist (attach additional sheets if necessary).
26) Look out your window. Do you see FBI agents?