Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Because Taylor Hicks is Doing So Well

What the EFF is going on with American Idol?? You know what? It's one thing to expect me to keep my sniggers to a minimum while the blind guy dances and quite another to expect me to put up with this bogus new voting rule. The judges can override the will of the people? IS NOTHING SACRED?

I don't give a slap to Kelly Clarkson's amazingly porky ass if the judges don't care for the outcome of the vote. You don't get to just ignore the results because you don't like them, Cowell. If it means that much to people that the oil-rig roughneck sticks around for another week, then they can stay up all night and vote, they don't need you to step up and decide who wins. Unlimited voting has been the rule since day one. What the h-e-double toothpicks is my motivation to do so now, if I can be vetoed by the likes of Paula Abdul? They invoked the early oustings of Chris Daughtry and Tamyra Gray for their decision.

A) Chris Daughtry not winning did not hurt him one iota. In fact, he was able to release his album faster and with more creative freedom than if he had won. Taylor Hicks is now a phone-sex operator in Orlando. 

B) The world is hardly a worse place for the dirth of Tamyra Gray albums. Ms. gray no doubt disagrees; she is wrong. 

Speaking of Kelly Clarkson, it was fun to see her tonight, reclaiming her crown as America's top-pop princess. Thank God for my wide-screen TV; her new single is called My Life Would Suck Without Food. Sorry? My Life Would Suck Without You? Whoops. Well, I can only assume she's singing to Colonel Sanders. 

And speaking of the blind guy, Jayyyyyysus Mary and all the saints. Seriously, could someone please put some sunglasses on the poor guy, maybe give him a haircut? And stop making him participate in the group dances like all is well in handicapped-sticker land. It's not, he's blind. That stinks and he's brave and blahbitty blah, but blind people should not be forced to dance on television. It saddens me to even say that; I  would've thought it was a given.

It certainly is the most p.c. lineup ever this year, iddinit? The judges all but admitted they "cast" the show this time, and it shows: we've got Blind Guy, Indian, Blue-Collar Guy, two hispanics, Screaming Queen, Single Mom, Hardscrabble Black Lady, Milquetoast Guitar Guy and Guy with a Dead Wife. Along with no reason to vote, there is absolutely no reason to learn anyone's names this year, on We'll Decide For You Idol. 

I still love it, though, maybe that's why I'm so upset. I actually think this is a great group and I'm pulling (ha!) for a Screaming-Queen/ Dead-Wife Guy finale. Not that I have anything to say about it. 


Blogger LearnedFoot said...

This blog is so much better now that it has content.

Also, you need a better moniker.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous MFB said...

Yes, that name simply won't do. In keeping with the original theme of the blog possibly options include:

* hairy-backed swamp developer

* corporate shill

* faith-based economist

* see-through fundamentalist bully with Bible

* Christian of convenience

* freelance racist

* hobby cop

* lizardskin cigar monkey

* jerktown romeo

* ninja dittohead

* shrieking midget of AM radio

* tax cheat

* cheese merchant

* cat strangler

* taxi dancer

* grab-ass executive

* gun fetishist

* genteel pornographer

* pill pusher

* chronic napper

* backed-up Baptist

* Crips and Bloods of the boardroom

I think that several would be appropriate for your personal use.

10:34 AM  
Blogger John F Not Kerry said...

Who the hell is "Wintrymix"? And why have there been so many posts lately?

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a former dance minor (think lots of pretty and fit girls and few straight guys to compete against) I give huge props to the choreographer for the fantastic job working with the blind guy. And to the blind guy for having the gonads to go along with it. He is actually getting better each week.


12:33 PM  
Blogger LearnedFoot said...

I have Jerktown Romeo and Cat strangler reserved for possible future use, so you can't take those.

12:36 PM  
Blogger wintrymix said...

MFB, don't be silly. I would never strangle a cat.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous MFB said...

Of course not. Backed-up Baptist is obviously not appropriate either. I see you more as either a grab-ass executive, genteel pornographer, or lizardskin cigar monkey.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

Personally, I like Wintrymix. It sounds like a sultry Russian spy who would seduce James Bond in a Swiss chalet.

1:16 PM  
Blogger LearnedFoot said...

That'd be Wintryminx, Sis.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

I think Wintryminx is the best choice of all. Now NIGP has a lineup reminiscent of the '27 Yankees.

9:26 PM  

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