Sunday, March 01, 2009

TV Party Tonight

Children's television generally sucks. For every clever show like "SpongeBob Squarepants" that works on both a child as well as adult level, there are dozens of politically correct and/or inane pieces of dreck like "Dragon Tales". Here are the top 11 episodes of kids shows that I'd like to see:

11. "Handy Mandy" is caught in a raid and deported by the ICE

10. Elmo from "Sesame Street" enters a drug treatment program

9. "Barney" the dinosaur wanders into the La Brea tar pits

8. "Caillou" is put in an orphanage when his parents finally get sick of his whining

7. "Bob the Builder" lobbies congress for a billion dollar grant for his 'shovel ready projects'

6. "The Teletubbies" organize a protest of California's 'proposition hate'

5. The hostess of "The Good Nigth Show" explains that girls can still be virgins, despite engaging in anal sex*

4. We learn the reason "The Backyardigans" have such elaborate fantasies, as Uniqua's mom is arrested for spiking their milk and cookies with PCP

3. "The Wonder Pets" attempt to save Linny the Gerbil from a fate worse than death; Richard Gere makes a guest appearance

2. "Curious George" rips the face off the Italian restaurant owner before being gunned down by cops

1. "Dora the Explorer" is kidnapped by FARC terrorists; children are encouraged to send in money for her ransom

* This actually happened


Anonymous MFB said...

I would love to see Swiper pull a piece and waste Dora and especially Boots while they cried "Swiper, no shooting!"

What makes watching children's TV even worse is the not so subtle political messages that are sent. Nickelodeon was in the bag for Obama from the get go and just today I saw an Obama cartoon/bed-time story that made my stomach churn. And of course their "Big Green Help" campaign which encourages kids to destroy CO2 monsters. There's nothing wrong with taking care of the environment, but teaching kids that CO2 is evil is sick. What kind of standard of living would we have without carbon based energy?

12:02 PM  
Blogger John F Not Kerry said...

Mr. Ratburn from "Arthur" is frogmarched out of school after the bodies of several missing schoolchildren are found in his basement.

One interesting note: Steven Crowder from Big Hollywood (via Breitbart) was the voice of The Brain on that show. At least some of the actors weren't indoctrinated.

8:23 PM  
Anonymous MFB said...

Another one: The Naked Brothers Band are booked at the same hotel as a NAMBLA convention. Hilarity ensues.

9:36 AM  

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