Monday, February 08, 2016

Top 11 Changes to the Hugh Hewitt Show When it Moves to Mornings

Top 11 Changes to the Hugh Hewitt Show When it Moves to Mornings

Shock Jock Hugh Hewitt is taking his radio program from the twilight hours to the big stage of morning drive.  Here are the top 11 predicted changes:

11)  Changing show name to The Morning Zhugh

10)  "The Smart Guys" segment now known as "Lesbian Dial a Date"

9)  The Beltway Boys segment limited to analysis of the Kardashians

8)  Intro tag line change from "Morning Glory, Evening Grace"  to "Wake Up Escanaba!”

7)  Generalissimo Duane will now be known as Generalissimo Booey

6)  Out: GOP Presidential candidate interviews In: porn star interviews

5)  Canned Heat bumpers replaced with canned fart sound effects

4)  Hugh will finally give out the time

3)   Mary Katherine Ham and Guy Benson to host weekly segment where they prank call Congressmen. 

2)  Erwin Chemerinsky to permanently join show as Hugh's zany ethnic sidekick. 

1) Cleveland sports team talk replaced with ... Uhhhhhh, no change there

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Against HWX

Against HWX_NR
Brian Ward and Paul Happe of HWX return for a special midweek, pre-Iowa caucus podcast extravaganza. Topics addressed include:
* What Are You Drinking? Featuring a new release from Badger Hill Brewing, Minnesota Special Bitterand a classic from New Belgium, Snow Day.
MSB* The cause and effect of the National Review’s broadside attack on the Trump campaign, and why they appear to be missing the entire point. Bonus audio of Democrat attacks on Trump, Jeb Bush’s fetal position defense, and the problem with Marco Rubio.
* Iowa caucus preview, including fearless predictions and analysis of who will win (or won’t win).
* Movie talk, with an exclusive preview of the upcoming Star Wars VIII: What Difference Does It Make.
* The racism of Hollywood and the Oscar’s boycott, including audio of the snow daybest performances from the criminally under recognized Strait Outta Compton and The Concussion. Also an analysis of the Best Actor nominees and why they were deemed so superior to anything else released in 2015.

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All member feedback welcome in the comments section, hope you enjoy.

Friday, January 15, 2016

All NFL Players Need to Know They Learned In 1st Grade

Last Sunday, Blair Walsh missed a 27 yard kick that would have won a playoff game for the Minnesota Vikings. Many fans excoriated him for the 10-9 loss, but the first graders ofBlaine's Northpoint Elementary School felt differently. They sent him letters of encouragement. Here are a couple of examples:
  • I know that it can be hard to get through things that are sad. but you have to try and try again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. One time I made a mistake when I was doing a cartwheel. I felt embarrassed. You can still help the Vikings win the Super Bowl next year.
and
  • I peed my pants in front of all of my friends. I felt really sad. I know just how you felt.
In Cincinnati, the Bengals led the Pittsburgh Steelers with mere seconds left, and the Steelers out of time-outs and on their end of the field. However, Vontaze Burfict was flagged for a cheap shot flagrant attempt to injure Steelers Receiver Antonio Brown, then Adam "Pac Man" Jones pushed a referee with only fourteen seconds left in the game, allowing the Steelers to kick a 35 yard field goal to win 18-16. Burfict and Jones were goats in the eyes of everyone, except for the first graders of Hamilton elementary of Cincinnati felt differently. Like the Minnesota kids, they sent encouragement to their hometown heroes:
  • Antonio Brown is a weak a$$ loser. I wish you had knocked his head off.
and
  • Pac Man, you are still my hero. Don't take sh#t from no one.
Kids say the darndest things.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Top 11 Alternate Names for the Center for of the American Experiment

John Hinderaker is the new president of the Center of theAmerican Experiment and big changes seem to be on the horizon for that venerable institution.   Among these, perhaps a name change is in order as well?  If the confusion about the name heard during the King Banaian Radio Show last week is any indication (… for the American Experiment?  … of the American Experiment?), some added clarity could pay big dividends for brand identity.
   
In that spirit, here are our suggestions for top 11 alternate names:

11)  Center Under the American Experiment (for that panic room feeling)

10)  Center Over the American Experiment (carpet bombing the state with conservative ideas)

9)  Center In But Not Of the American Experiment (assuming Hugh Hewitt and his predatory lawyers can be bought off from copyright infringement litigation)

8)  Center Behind the American Experiment (if they don’t mind the obvious Koch Brothers, puppetmaster ovetones)

7)  Center In Spite of the American Experiment (or just go with “the DFL party”)

6)  Center After the American Experiment (for that fatalistic outlook)

5)  Center Between the American Experiments (slightly more positive)

4)  Center ‘Round the American Experiment (for that folksy vibe, plays well outstate)

3)  Center Regarding the American Experiment (properly bureaucratic sounding for a think tank)

2)  Center Near the American Experiment (more humble, less arrogant)


1)  Center Through the American Experiment (take charge, kick ass tone)

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Top 11 Reasons HBO Is Cancelling "Girls"

11. Only real actor on show quit to do "Star Wars"

10. Executives at HBO sick and tired of having to look at naked Lena Dunham

9. The power of prayer works

8. Truth in advertising laws were going to force a name change to "Trolls"

7. Abortion bills for cast risked bankrupting network

6. Can't possibly top this season's conclusion of naked Lena Dunham on water skis jumping a shark 

5. After second season of "True Detective", HBO finally hired quality control people

4. Viewers finally gave up hope that show was a prequel to Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls" video

3.President Obama shut it down by executive order after he saw how little his daughter was paid to intern there

2. Discovered that HBO subscribers prefer attractive people in their pornography

1. Ultimate triumph of the free market

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

HWX: The Podcast Awakens

It’s a special Tuesday night edition of HWX, with Brian Ward of Fraters Libertas and Paul Happe, the Nihilist in Golf Pants, reconvening to discuss the critical issues of our times. Topics addressed include:
* Reviews of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The perils of watching your heroes age, having your myths demystified, and being seduced by the dark side.
* The lost glory that was the George Pataki for President Campaign, his motivations for running and dropping out, including our special musical tribute.
* The remaining 1% (or less) candidates and what drives them, including our musical tribute.
* The significance of Obama’s announcement today of the closing of the alleged guns show loophole.
All member feedback welcome in the comments section. Hope you enjoy.
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Screen-Shot-2015-02-20-at-8.56.20-AMHWX is brought to you by Harry’s Shave. For the finest in shaving products, with the ultimate in convenience, and at an amazingly low price, check out Harry’s. It the perfect gift for anyone who grows hair on their face in your family. Enter HWX at checkout for an additional $5 off.

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Spoiler Free) Review

Over the holidays, I got around to seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Since many people still haven't seen it, I'll avoid spoilers by focusing on the casting and their performances. Specifically:
  • I enjoyed seeing Harrison Ford reprise his role as Han Solo and it was also fun to see Chewbaca.
  • Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill were far less fun, and the droids R2D2 and C3PO were tedious. However, none of them were central enough to the plot to ruin the film.
  • I thought John Boyega was ok as new supporting character Finn.
  • Newcomer Daisy Ridley did a decent job as main character Rey, but I was distracted by the fact that she looks a lot like Russell Brand.
The most obvious casting problem was Adam Driver as Kylo Ren. Driver simply didn't convince me as the villain . He, like many of the new cast, was relatively unknown prior to this film. His biggest role was in the HBO show "Girls". I'm shocked that producer J.J. Abrams and company watched "Girls" and failed give the role of the most evil and dangerous presence in the universe to Lena Dunham.