Top 11 Reasons Governor Pawlenty's Wife Won't Give Him Any

11. Subsidized ethanol fumes have given her a headache

10. She's not buying his claim that "it's not sex, it's a users fee"

9. Idea of a "special session" turns her off as much as it turns Democratic legislators on

8. McCain stopped sharing his Viagra

7. She lost all respect for him when he appeared on the Northern Alliance Radio Network

6. He's having problems with the stiffness of his stick's shaft; what, isn't this the Top 11 Reasons Governor Pawlenty Isn't Getting Any Goals?

5. She doesn't want to kiss lips that have been on John McCain's butt

4. The transportation veto override took the lead out of his pencil

3. Complaining about his romantic life on the Mike Maxx Radio Program not likely to put her in the mood

2. The bedroom of the governor's mansion still smells like Governor Ventura

1. David Strom tricked his wife into signing No New Sex pledge before last election

Update:
John Hinderacker of Powerline is planning to do a comedy bit based on the Pawlenty's love life as he introduces the state's First Lady this Thursday:

Hinderacker (wearing big Carnac the Magnificent Hat):

A Frigidaire, an iceberg, and Mary Pawlenty . . . (opens envelope)

Name a refrigerator freezer, a lettuce for a Caesar, and someone who's not a pleaser!

Scott Johnson: Hayooooooo!

Mom Likes Juice

In honor of Mother's Day, today Major League Baseball encouraged its players to use special pink bats. These bats will be auctioned off and the proceeds raise money to fight breast cancer. It is a worthy and noble cause.

But just how much encouragement did Major League Baseball offer to sluggers in order to get them to participate. These are macho guys here, guys unlikely to swing a pink bat.

Perhaps the bats were corked. They are being auctioned off, so they can't be tested. The average runs per game in Major League Baseball today was exactly 10.5, with only one game featuring less than seven runs. Our local heros were involved in a 9-8 thriller that featured not one, but two home runs from Craig Monroe, who isn't going to be confused with Barry Bonds anytime soon, except maybe by Barak Obama's grandmother.

I'm willing to look the other way, although it's a lot easier to say that after a Twins win.

Edited to add that the 2008 YTD average runs per game was less than 9.0 prior to Sunday.

Top 11 Reasons Minneapolis Mayor RT Rybak Didn't Pay His Speeding Ticket Fine & Had His License Suspended

11. He has Keith Ellison advising him on paying traffic tickets

10. Since when do mayors pay their tickets?

9. Felt he was perfectly justified in fleeing Olmstead County and its gun and God clinging residents as rapidly as possible

8. Thought that losing his license would help him to reduce his carbon footprint

7. Philosophically opposed to sending money from the Twin Cities metro area to outstate Minnesota

6. Still maintains that it's physically impossible to speed in his Prius

5. Felt that his NARN interview with Mitch Berg was punishment enough

4. He's about to declare Minneapolis a sanctuary city for illegal immigrants and those with speeding tickets

3. Was expecting state Local Government Assistance to pick it up for him

2. Al Franken's accountant told him he only had to pay $140 of the $220 ticket

1. Barack Obama promised to pardon him after he's elected

Top 11 Ideas to Get the Star Tribune Out of Bankruptcy

11) Sell corporate sponsorships for columns and features. For example: "The Letter of the Day, brought to you by Pepto Bismal"

10) Get George Soros to pick up salaries by enlisting all reporters as Minnesota Monitor "Journalstic Fellows"

9) Liquidate account set aside for funding party after winning Pulitzer Prize

8) Stop paying taxes; if caught, blame it on accountant

7) Have Nick Coleman write a column urging readers to send in notebooks and pens because our newspapers are burning

6) Restrict restaurant critic to reviewing only items on the McDonald's Dollar Menu

5) Steal confidential data from the Pioneer Press and use it to gain competitive advantage (oops, already tried that)

4) Replace editorial board with a daily statement from DFL Chairman Brian Melendez

3) Go into partnership with local fish market as wrapping supplier of choice

2) Lobby state government to take over Strib and rename it "Minnesota Public Newspaper"

1) Commit themselves to providing unbiased coverage of the most important stories in Minnesota, drop political correctness as the primary objective, and stop insulting conservatives in editorials ...... Naaaah!

Big Brown Wins, Filly Put Down After Second Place Finish

I'll have more analysis of the Democratic primaries later.

De La Hoya: Keep Tax System Progressive

Oscar De La Hoya was a great boxing champion despite a bleeding heart. Last night, De La Hoya took it to former Republican presidential contender and flat tax advocate Steve Forbes.


De La Hoya kicked off his retirement tour Saturday night before an appreciative crowd by pitching a near shutout over a game but overmatched Steve Forbes.

I knew De La Hoya was a great fighter, but he must be a great debater as well:

The Associated Press had De La Hoya winning every round, and scored it 120-108.

It turns out De La Hoya put his money where his mouth was. He staged the contest in his home turf, low income East LA. The well-heeled Forbes must have been intimidated by a working class crowd. The HBO announcers said that De La Hoya thought it important that working families have a chance to learn about the issues and the pricing showed.

An announced crowd of 27,000, lured by ticket prices as low as $25, came to the Home Depot Center . . .

Top 11 Upcoming Al Franken Revelations

11. Provided tax advice to Wesley Snipes

10. He granted himself backdated stock options

9. All mentions of “Vandalay Industries” on his resume are fabricated

8. Disgruntled clients filing false advertising claim with FTC over Al Franken promoting himself as a "comedian"

7. His Air America radio show got worse ratings than the Northern Alliance Radio Network

6. He used to live in that cesspool St. Louis Park

5. Opposed invading Iran for their oil; supported invading Afghanistan for their opium

4. At the height of the Enron scandal, he advised Enron’s CEO to blame everything on honest mistakes by the accountants that didn’t really benefit you much

3. He's not good enough, he's not smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people don't like him

2. He once waterboarded an employee he suspected of being a spy for Fox News

1. His SNL bits were plagiarized from Jeremiah Wright sermons