Saturday, May 29, 2010

Top 11 Unpaid Positions the White House Offered to Joe Sestak to Drop Out of the Pennsylvania Democratic Senate Primary

11. Intern, Clinton Presidential Library

10. Volunteer offshore oil platform czar

9. Official White House shopper for gifts to foreign dignitaries

8. Biographer/neighbor of Sarah Palin

7. Weekend radio host on the Patriot

6. The guy who follows around Al Gore and turns off the lights when he leaves a room

5. Shower towel boy for Rahm Emanuel

4. Star Tribune "Your Voices" columnist

3. Guy who tells Michelle Obama that the dress does make her butt look big

3. White House liaison to Scarlet Johansson

2. Lt. Governor running mate for Matt Entenza

1. Beard for Elena Kagan

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Top 11 Films At's Monthly Film Club just e-mailed membership to determine if they had any interest in starting a local film club:

to watch and discuss powerful movies with a purpose and have fun with other progressives

Here's the list of movies that we think they will be watching and discussing:

11. Brokeback Mountain

10. Half Baked

9. Titanic

8. Blow

7. The Grifters

6. Reds

5. Robin Hood: Men In Tights

4. Deliverance

3. Tax Day

2. Weekend at Bernie's 2

1. Triumph of The Will

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Top 11 New United Nations Military Honors

The United Nations is contemplating unveiling a new military honor around the new military virtue of Courageous Restraint.

Those who back the idea hope it will provide troops with another incentive to think twice before calling in an air strike or firing at an approaching vehicle if civilians could be at risk.

Most military awards in the past have been given for things like soldiers taking out a machine-gun nest or saving their buddies in a firefight, said U.S. Army Command Sgt. Maj. Michael Hall, the senior NATO enlisted man in Afghanistan.

"We are now considering how we look at awards differently," he said

Here are several other awards the military is considering in this new era.

11. The 90% of Success Medal: Awarded to soldiers who voluntarily return from AWOL

10. Allah-lu-yah Sharpshooter Crescent: awarded to any Muslim US officer who is able to mow down 10 or more of his unsuspecting fellow soldiers at one time

9. The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Medal: for safe and efficient stacking of unused rifles

8. The Distinguished Pencil Pushing Cross: Awarded to rear eschelon soldiers who feel bad that front line troops get most of the medals

7. The Sir Robin yellow heart for bravery in retreat

6. The Legion de Lewis (for French soldiers): For gallantly and faithfully watching every Jerry Lewis movie while on barracks duty

5. The Royal Mr. Bean (for British soldiers): Awarded to POWs whose feelings are hurt or cry under light interrogation or name calling

4. Brokeback Unit Citation: Awarded to units that display special closeness

3. Courage of Convictions Medal: awarded to any military personnel going AWOL to protest involvement in any perceived illegal wars or imperialistic American adventures

2. Congressional Medal of Political Correctness: Awarded for gallantry and intrepidity at risk of common sense above and beyond the call of political correctness

1. The Purple Uterus: awarded to any female military personnel getting pregnant while in a combat zone