Monday, January 31, 2011

Top 11 Ways Packer Fans are Preparing for the Super Bowl

11. Getting their Styrofoam cheese wedge hats dry-cleaned

10. Pre-ordering their keg of Point beer

9. Trying to memorize the lyrics to "Go Pack Go!"

8. Attempting to taunt Steelers fans by asking them: "How many Super Bowls has your team won?"

7. Writing letters to Wisconsin newspapers asserting that the Packers would never allow a scumbag like Ben Roethlisberger on their team

6h. Asking around to see if there is anything stronger than Everclear

6g. Bragging to co-workers that they are co-owners of a Super Bowl team

6f. Explaining to anyone within earshot how Aaron Rogers is the greatest QB in football history

6e. Trying to decide of if they should wear their Donald Driver or Aaron Rodgers jersey to church on Sunday

6d. Doubling the accidental injury insurance coverage on their home owner's policies

6c. Hoping that their relatives who moved to Minnesota to find good jobs send back some extra money for beer this week

6b. Convincing themselves that the NFC’s victory in the Pro Bowl all but guarantees a Pack victory

6a. Randomly screaming "Packers!" several times throughout the day

5. Listening to their "Black Eyed Peas" CDs to prepare for the halftime show

4. Putting the number for the alcohol poisoning hot line next to phone

3. Preparing talking points for Monday calls to sports radio blaming the loss on crooked officiating

2. Sublimating their true feelings for Clay Matthews

1. Just generally being insufferable

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Top 11 Real Reasons the Patriot Cancelled the NARN First Team

11. Needed to maximize revenue during the two hours of the day when the station's signal actually reaches anybody.

10. Keith Olbermann threatened to name the Patriot The Worst Radio Station in the World if the NARN First Team named him Loon of the Week one more time.

9. Hugh Hewitt used the hosts’ attendance record to justify his vacation schedule

8. Big Crop Art willing to do almost anything to keep conservatives out

7. Management accidentally tuned in on a recent Saturday and realized something must have gone horribly wrong with the memo they sent six years ago canceling the program after a one week failed experiment.

6. Mitch and Ed constantly complaining about the empty beer bottles left in the studio

5. Let's just say that when Josh Arnold wants you to play ball, you play ball.

4. Lost a costly lawsuit to Victor for infringing on his copyrighted phrase "We need to have fistfights in the halls of Congress!"

3. Had to take a hard line against Brian's demands for gas money

2. Figured it was redundant to have two shows targeting the same "angry and confused by the news" demographic

1. It took a while and he had to buy an investment firm to do it, but Dan Rather finally got his revenge