Friday, September 30, 2011

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 4/College Week 5

I had another good week last week, going 2-1 in both college and pro picks. The Irish and Vikings conspired against me, though. This week I like:

Notre Dame -12 at Purdue
Michigan -20 vs Minnesota
Arizona +12 1/2 at USC

Vikings -2 at Chiefs
Falcons -4 at Seahawks
Lions +2 at Cowboys

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 3/College Week 4

I had a good week last week, going 2-1 in both pros and college. Overall, I'm 9-6, with a 5-4 record in college and a 4-2 record in the pros.

This week the Minnesota versus North Dakota State game is off the books, so I'm choosing two at large college games. This week I like a lot of road teams to cover and often win outright:

Notre Dame -6 at Pittsburgh
Louisiana State -5 at West Virginia
Tulsa +32 1/2 at Boise State

Lions -4 at Vikings
Giants +9 at Eagles
Redskins +5 1/2 at Cowboys

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Buffett Rule

A lot of talk on the Buffett rule makes me wonder what kind of collaboration Jimmy Buffet and Barack Obama could make:

Bashing the rich today,
And taxes they don‘t pay;
While all you middle class people do toil.
Used to be billions, now we waste trillions.
Was just a bunch of snake oil.

Wasting money again in Obamaville,
Searchin' for all them jobs that are lost.
Some people claim the economy is lame,
But I know that it's not my fault.

Democrats were willing,
Spent ‘bout 3 trillion
Half of it paid to the SEIU.
But it was a hustle,
To buy union muscle, and if you dissent
They will beat down on you.

Wasting money again in Obamaville,
Searchin' for all them jobs that are lost.
Some people claim the economy is lame,
But I know that it's not my fault.

We‘ll increase the tax rate,
Stir up some class hate,
Punish the people who provide the jobs.
But tea bagging losers,
And also Fox Newsers
Are making it difficult for me to hang on.

Wasting money again in Obamaville,
Searchin' for all them jobs that are lost.
Some people claim the economy is lame,
But I know that it's not my fault.
Some people claim the economy is lame,
But I know that it's George Bush’s fault.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 2/College Week 3

Last week I escaped with a .500 record. I was dead wrong on the Gophers, who managed to lose as 18 1/2 point favorites. Ironically, Coach Kill almost died watching his team struggle against a b-squad New Mexico State team. Surprisingly, Coach Kill is the first Gopher coach to have a seizure on the sidelines. I would have bet that Smoky Joe or Coach Wacky would have had one.

BYU covered on the road at Texas, but a monumental collapse cost Notre Dame both the outright victory against hated Michigan, but also left them 1/2 point on the wrong side of the spread. I finished 1-2 for the week and stand at 3-3 for the year.

I did better on the pro side, where Dallas and the Vikings covered in losses. Unfortunately, Cincinnati upset Cleveland, so I started the NFL season out 2-1.

I don't have a theme this week, other than again thinking that home teams get too much respect. 0-2 Notre Dame is 5 1/2 point favorites over a ranked MSU team. If they win, it will only be to spite me. Here are my picks:

Michigan State +5 1/2 at Notre Dame
Minnesota -3 vs Miami (OH)
Washington +18 at Nebraska

Tampa Bay +3 1/2 at Minnesota
Chicago +8 at New Orleans
NY Giants -4 1/2 vs St. Louis

Friday, September 09, 2011

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 1/College Week 2

Last week I expected glory, jumping out to a 2-0 start as Jerry Kill's Gophers showed some grit and Brian Kelly's Fighting Irish puked all over themselves. In a Saturday night battle of heavyweights, I misjudged the home field advantage that LSU rode to an easy victory over my pick, the Oregon Ducks.

I'm sitting at 2-1 in college, with the pro season starting this week. My loosely constructed theme for this week is overvalued home field advantage. I've got two road dogs covering in each league. Exceptions to the rule will include a Gopher squad that takes on a pathetic foe and a slightly favored Cleveland Browns team. Odds from USA Today:

Minnesota -18 1/2 over New Mexico
Brigham Young +7 at Texas
Notre Dame +3 1/2 at Michigan

The Irish look to rebound from a devastating loss in the first night game ever in the appropriately nicknamed "Big House." Notre Dame needs this game and has the talent to win outright on the road.

Cleveland -2 1/2 versus Cincinnati
Dallas +4 at NY Jets
Minnesota +9 at San Diego

I'm not a homer, but the Vikings aren't quite as bad as people think they are. They are still 7-9 bad, but they should be able to hang with a team that never plays up to their capabilities in September.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Top 11 New Plans to Create Jobs That President Obama Will Unveil Tonight

11. Threaten CEOs that if they don’t start hiring, James Hoffa will take them out

10. Scrap the Keystone XL pipeline and hire the unemployed to carry the oil in 5 gallon jugs

9. Expand his cabinet to add a million new secretaries

8. Allow companies to avoid paying taxes as most members of his cabinet have

7. Conduct a new census every 10 months instead of every 10 years

6. Have Eric Holder start prosecuting companies for not hiring

5. Stimulate the tourism industry by personally taking twice as many vacations

4. Have Vice President Biden embark on a national window breaking tour

3. Outlaw ATM machines as a "Bank Teller jobs program"

2. Expand Fast and Furious program to sell tanks and planes to Mexican drug lords

1. Expand definition for job growth to include jobs created, jobs saved, and jobs that would have been created if it wasn't for the Tea Party

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Nihilist Football Picks: College Week 1

I've been wondering about a few things lately. First, how can I get Learned Foot to start blogging again? Second, what kind of posts should I put up on this blog. I think I can kill two birds with one stone here by offering my football posts.

Here's the format we will use this year. I'll pick each Gophers, Vikings and Fighting Irish game this year. Additionally, I'll pick some of the more interesting college and pro matchups. All picks will be against the spread as published by USA Today.

This week I sense a theme: a superior coach takes his team on the road and tries to upset a favorite. Yes, this means that I believe Jerry Kill is a better coach than Lane Kiffin. It also means that I like Skip Holz better than Brian Kelly. However, I'm not prejudiced against guys named Kelly, as I like him over Les Miles. In other words:

Minnesota Golden Gophers +18 1/2 at Southern Cal Trojans
South Florida Bulls +8 1/2 at Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Oregon Ducks +3 at Louisiana State Tigers

C'mon Foot, do your worst!