Thursday, September 24, 2009

Top 11 Pick Up Lines Sisyphus Is Using in Las Vegas

11) In my spare time I like to write withering and anonymous social commentary ..... in my underpants.

10) You probably know me from my coverage of the Ramsey County Soil and Water Conservation Supervisor Elections.

9) Would you like to come up to my room and see my City Pages Right Wing Blog of the Year Award?

8) I could probably get you a discount membership to the Hughniverse.

7) Maybe I could connect my wireless to your hot spot?

6) Oh this thing? Just a shirt I like to wear when visiting my estate on the Big Island.

5) You like danger? I'm friends with a health insurance company executive.

4) Ooops, clumsy me, I dropped a picture out of my wallet. Well, if you must know, she was my fiancée, Mary Katherine. (SIGH) May she rest in peace.

3) Don't worry about it, I often get confused with the real Brett Favre when I wear this jersey.

2) Hey baby.... hehehehehehehehehehhehe .... come to Sisyphus.

1) Do you offer discounts?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Top 11 Reasons President Obama Appeared On David Letterman Last Night

11. Has narrowed it down to Letterman and Al Franken for Rape Joke Czar

10. Considering Larry Bud Melman as new Green Jobs Czar

9. Worried that his health care plan wasn't getting enough exposure in the media

8. He'll go on any show that isn't on Fox

7. Wanted to announce new initiative for Joe Biden during Stupid Pet Tricks

6. He felt that the Sunday news shows weren't quite sycophantic enough

5. Owed CBS an exclusive, but didn't want the indignity of having to submit to an interview with Katie Couric

4. Thought securing just one more millionaire celebrity endorsement for socialized medicine would finally convince the American people

3. Figured that an audience that still thinks Letterman is funny would believe anything

2. Vaguely remembers Letterman as being funny from when he was in college

1. Hoping to hear a few new jokes about knocking up Sarah Palin's underage daughter

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Packer Fans' Status Alert Update

Friday, September 18, 2009

Top 11 Fashion Week Fashions

As you know, this is fashion week in New York City. No need to go all the way to the Big Apple to find out what the smart set will be wearing in Spring 2010; here I present the top 11 fashions week fashions:

11. The ingenious Snuggie makes its Fashion Week debut. Here, Snuggie puts the hip in hippie.

10. I always applaud practicality in fashion. I am glad that Zac Posen is incorporating mosquito netting in his line, but the netting would be more effective if it went all the way to the ground.

9. Marc Jacobs has come up with wearing the bra outside the outfit – several decades after the look was first invented by frat boys.

8. Hey buddy, watch where you’re putting that hand! Oh wait, nevermind. (Zac Posen)

7. David Bowie has found the fashion designer for his next tour – Carolina Hererra.

6. Finally, a female version of the always-in-style tuxedo t-shirt. (Zac Posen)

5. Kudos to Betsey Johnson for bringing back the Cyndi Lauper look circa “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”.

4. If you feel your Max Azria dress might be a little on the flimsy side, don’t be afraid to shore it up with masking tape.

3. Tip to models: hold off on the chili until after you’ve done the runway. (Brian Reyes)

2. What will future space farmers wear? Ralph Lauren!

1. Alexandre Herchcovitz had the honor of designing Al Franken’s swearing-in wardrobe:

Sisyphus has seen both “The Devil Wears Prada” and “Confessions of a Shopaholic” and is the fashion correspondent for

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Top 11 Insults of the President Allowed by the House of Representatives

The Democrats controlling the House Rules committee have come out with guidelines for members on which insults of the President are and are not allowed.

Here are the top 11 allowed insults:

11. Twin Tower demolisher

10. Dangerous right wing neocon extremist hate monger who wants to slow the growth in federal spending on sorghum subsidies.

9. You make racists angry

8. You ‘re too sexy for that shirt

7. Dude, you got beat up by an effing bunny rabbit?

6. You're a tightwad

5. Tea bagger

4. Boob czar

3. The entire series of "your mama's so ugly..." insults

2. You’re less deserving of a Video Music Award than Beyonce

1. You are a moronic whore, who pretended to birth your underage daughter's baby!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Top 11 Reasons Obama is Coming to the Target Center on Saturday to Promote His Health Care Reforms

11) Wants to use the Timberwolves as an example of another dysfunctional, expensive, and under performing system

10) Will emphasize no health care for illegal immigrants, unless Ricky Rubio comes here

9) Will promise to finally find a cure for Michael Williams' plantar fasciitis

8) Trying to piggy back on the success and popularity of the Minnesota Lynx

7) Seats in the upper deck are too far away to hear the shouts of "you lie!"

6) Will conduct public flogging of local United Health Care executives

5) Figured a city that elected Keith Ellison and RT Rybak would fall for anything

4) Based on tip by Janet Napolitano, staking out dangerous right-wing militia known as the "United States Air Force football team" gathering across town at TCF Field

3) Will propose that all Americans start wearing spiffy red shirts like Target employees do

2) Strategically located to disrupt traffic to the MOB party and thus hobble opposition

1) Downtown Minneapolis is full of tea baggers

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

On Teabagging

EDITOR'S NOTE: As the sole remaining contributor to the Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog - the others having fled to more respectable digs - I have assumed the title of Editor in Chief. As such, I have relaxed the editorial standards so that I may make gratuitous reference to male genitalia, along with helpful suggestions as to what some may do to said genitalia.

Way back in, oh say March, a number of folks got together and organized "tea party" protests objecting to some of the ways our Federal government spends the taxpayers' money. Many members of the highly intellectual, nuanced progressive left, took to labeling said protesters with the somewhat homoerotic term "teabaggers," the act of protesting being "teabagging". A most recent example can be found here.

If you are unfamiliar with what teabagging is, I will pause here so that you can enlighten yourself.

We all on the same page now? Good. Let's continue.

Now, it's clear that those who use the "Teabagger" slur intend it to be demeaning; a juvenile swipe at those with whom they disagree. However, with the objective eye of someone who has never "teabagged" in either sense of that term, it occurs to me that these "teabagger" hurling folks are unwittingly slurring themselves.

You see, the act of teabagging in its older definition requires two parties: the affirmatively active participant, or the "teabagger"; and the party on the receiving end of the action, the "teabagee".

So if all these "tea party" protesters are the "teabaggers," who are the "teabagees"? And which position is the more demeaning one?

CONCLUSION: People who use the term "teabagger" as described above are a bunch of sack-munching Nancies.


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Top 11 Other Names For Hugh Hewitt's New Premium Content Site

Pundit and talk radio shock jock Hugh Hewitt has recently launched a premium content website called The Hughniverse. Here are the Top 11 other names that were considered for the site.

11. Hugh & Cry

10. Behind the Khaki Dockers

9. Hughoogle

8. Hugh Jazz

7. A Room with a Hugh

6. Pay for Hugh

5. Do you know Hugh I Am?

4. Five Dollars You Will Never Get Back

3. Hughmongous Members

2. Hugh 3/5 (except for the twelve weeks of vacation a year and regular replays of the first hour)