Saturday, June 28, 2008

Exciting Women's Action

Interlachen Country Club in Edina (an affluent suburb of Minneapolis) is hosting the LPGA's US Women's Open this weekend. This tournament is shaping up to be exciting and worth a look for sports fans everywhere. Tomorrow a national champion will be crowned and there will be much celebrating. Tune in and you may see an emotional awards presentation.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Timberwolves Finally Do Something Right

Few teams have made as many boneheaded moves as the Timberwolves under GM Kevin McHale. The best news an NBA fan could get in recent years is that Kevin McHale has made a trade with your favorite team. Their draft record has been equally bad – Ndudi Ebi, Paul Grant, Will Avery, Christain Laetner, Randy Foye over Brandon Roy to name just a few.

But all of that is behind us now. The Wolves had the third pick in tonight’s draft, and made the obviously correct pick: future superstar O. J. Mayo. Wolves fans had to be worried as rumors were swirling that Kevin McHale was in love with forward Kevin “Paul Grant II” Love, but they did the right thing and took Mayo.

I may now even watch a game this year.

UPDATE: Never mind. Congratulations Grizzlies fans, enjoy your championship.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Murderer's Row

Over the past two games, our Minnesota Twins have won games in which their opponents started the last two National League Cy Young winners: Jake Peavey (2007) and Brandon Webb (2006). Interestingly, last Friday the Twins defeated five time Cy Young winner Randy Johnson. Tonight they face four time Cy Young Winner Greg Maddux with the opportunity to do something few, if any, teams have ever done. To win games against four Cy Young winning starters (11 total awards) in a span of five games is something few would have expected from one of baseballs power teams, much less our weak hitting Twinkies.


This Star Tribune headline may set a new record for hyperbole:

Lorena Ochoa: Part Tiger Woods, Part Mother Teresa

I didn't read the story, so maybe they say she has the putting stroke of Mother Teresa and the minister-to-the-poor-in-Calcutta instincts of Tiger Woods.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

That's Just, Like, Your Opinion

Rolling Stone Magazine needed to fill some space in their latest issue, so they decided to take the lazy way out and publish a completely subjective list of their favorite rock songs that featured guitar. They called this list the "100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time," which is a bit presumptuous.

I thought I'd make a top 11 list of my own presumptuous comments about their list. My comments are a bit stream-of-consciousness, but here goes:

11. The top two songs actually make sense: Chuck Berry's "Johnny Be Good" #1 and The Jimi Hendrix Experience's "Purple Haze" #2.

10. "Brown Sugar" #5 and "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" #25 are great guitar songs by the Rolling Stones, but how can you leave "Satisfaction" off of the list? It has one of the most distinctive guitar hooks ever.

9. Neil Young's "Cowgirl In The Sand" #16 should be nowhere near this list, and that's not just because he is a communist and a Canadian. I might have included his solo "Southern Man" or "Mr. Soul" from his early time with Buffalo Springfield.

8. Black Sabbath should have made this list with "Iron Man" or "Paranoid." Including "Black Sabbath" #17 instead doesn't make sense.

7. "A Hard Day's Night?" #22 You've got to be kidding me. It's a great pop song, but there is nothing notable about the guitar work. "Let It Be" should replace it.

6. If Rage Against The Machine belongs on the list at all, it shouldn't have a song at #24 ("Killing In The Name Of").

5. Sleater-Kinney at #44 with "Dig Me Out"? How about including songs that people may have actually heard or that have sold some records or are made by musicians with actual musical talent. I submit this entry as proof that these lists are completely bogus.

4. This Sleater-Kinney situation has me so steamed, that I really don't have many comments on the second half of the list.

3. Kudos to the editors for including an incredible song, "Red", by King Crimson. King Crimson received very little commercial airplay, but Robert Fripp is an amazing guitarist and songwriter. This almost makes up for Sleater-Kinney.

On second thought, nothing makes up for Sleater-Kinney. I am still enraged.

2. Upon completion of my review, I noticed that there are no songs by Yes and Asia guitarist Steve Howe. The guy was only a five time winner of Guitar Player magazine's player of the year. Maybe it's because Asia and Yes didn't have the commercial success of Sleater-Kinney? WTF?

1. "Smoke On The Water" isn't even on the list? I would have thought it would be in the top five. It may be the most well-known guitar riff in rock (maybe behind "Satisfaction"). It has a great solo. Deep Purple (and Rainbow) guitar virtuoso Ritchie Blackmore was shut out just like Steve Howe, which is proof that this list is completely subjective crapola.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Energy Policy Separated at Birth

Barack Obama:
“Think about what we could have done with a trillion dollars. Think about, think about what we could have done if we had invested even half of that even a quarter of that into research into clean energy, developing new ways of transporting people, if we had tried to look at how are we going to create a new engine that doesn't run on fossil fuels. Imagine that. Over the last five years, we could be in a position now where we could have perhaps sliced our energy consumption by a third, and if we had done that gas prices would be low because people wouldn't be using gas.”

And the idea an army guy suggested to physicist Richard Feynman 50 or so years ago (“Surely Your Joking Mr. Feynman!” p. 288-289):
“One guy in a uniform came to me and told me that the army was glad that physicists were advising the military because it had a lot of problems. One of the problems was that tanks use up their fuel very quickly and thus can’t go very far. So the question was how to refuel them as they’re going along. Now this guy had the idea that, since the physicists can get energy out of uranium, could I work out a way in which we could use silicon dioxide – sand, dirt – as a fuel? If that were possible, then all this tank would have to do would be to have a little scoop underneath, and as it goes along, it would pick up the dirt and use it for fuel! He thought that was a great idea, and that all I had to do was to work out the details.”

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Top 11 Indications That Barak Obama Doesn't "Keep It Real"

11. John McCain actually has more gold teeth

10. He criticized absentee fathers, when the problem is obviously "whitey"

9. Uses English, not Ebonics, in his public appearances

8. He married his baby mama

7. Acted "white" by doing quite well in school

6. In all those hours of debate, never once referred to Hillary as "bitch" or "ho"

5. Doesn't enjoy crack cocaine

4. Prefers merlot to malt liquor

3. Refused to let his posse deliver a beat down to Bill Clinton

2. Judging by his gaunt appearance, does not enjoy BBQ or fried chicken

1. Old white dudes do fist bumps

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Why Not Mr. Mondale?

We have now reached the stage of the Presidential race where we speculate on whom the candidates may choose as running mates. Barack Obama is said to be considering Hillary Clinton, Sen. James Webb, John Edwards, Gov. Bill Richardson, Gov. Janet Napolitano, Gov. Ed Rendell, among others. There are plusses and minuses for each of these choices, but there is one choice that is all plusses: Walter Mondale. There are so many good reasons for Obama to chose Fritz that a traditional Top 11 list is insufficient to list them all. Here are the Top 17 Reasons Barack Obama Should Select Walter Mondale as His Running Mate:

17. The most controversial thing Mondale's pastor has ever said involved his dislike of lutefisk

16. Mondale has already lost an election in all 50 states. This would give him the historic opportunity to lose an election in states 51-57.

15. Iran would enthusiastically endorse his selection

14. Mondale could all but guarantee that Obama will carry Minnesota (unless McCain selects Norm Coleman as his running mate)

13. He could go to McCain rallies and wave around two hamburger buns while shouting “Where’s the Beef!”

12. Adding Mondale would increase the Senate experience on the ticket by 400%

11. He could help mend the rift between Obama and Geraldine Ferraro

10. His daughter Eleanor could help mend the rift between Obama and Bill Clinton

9. He can spell potato

8. His face practically screams "change"

7. Will provide a good contrast because you can't really find anyone more white than Mondale

6. No need to worry about a Vice Presidential sex scandal

5. Would save taxpayer money by not requiring a new Vice Presidential portrait

4. Fritz Mondale is second to none when it comes to raising taxes

3. Not since Jacko and Sir Paul has ebony and ivory lived in such perfect harmony.

2. Chances of Obama being assassinated would drop dramatically

1. Fritz has already proven that he can serve as Vice President in a failed administration

End is in Sight for our Posting Drought

You may have noticed that we haven’t been posting as frequently as in the past. Never fear, the end of the drought is is in sight. I predict a sharp upturn in Nihilist in Golf Pants posts in 2013.

That is when Brokeback Mountain the opera is scheduled to premiere.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Top 11 Things Al Franken Did After Getting The DFL Senate Endorsement

11. Watched “The Accused” to get some new joke ideas

10. Auditioned for role of Elmer Fudd in upcoming Looney Tunes movie

9. Sampled the wild Rochester night life

8. Announced that Jack Nelson Pallmeyer was now officially his bitch

7. Called Ben Stein to ask for some more of his money

6. Discovered that a more successful comedian (Horatio Sans?) had stolen his cocaine

5. Submitted a new piece to Penthouse Letters

4. Asked Barack Obama for list of states 51 through 57 so that he could make sure he avoided paying taxes in them as well

3. Called up his Hollywood pals and shared a laugh at how Minnesota rubes will vote for anyone

2. Egged Betty McCollum’s house

1. Wrote a brilliant satire about his fantasy of drugging and molesting Lori Sturdevant

The Blog House’s Best Right Wing Blog in the Twin Cities

Of late, there has been a cloud over the Twin Cities blogoshphere: we are lacking an award for the best local right wing blog. There used to be two: The City Pages Best Right-Wing Blog of the Twin Cities and our own Rock Solid in the Blogosophere.

We had to discontinue the Rock Solid in the Blogosphere award. Rock Solid winners, with no more worlds to conquer, just seemed to drift away and stop blogging (the exception being the lawyers who’ve won the award – their huge egos no doubt kept them in the game).

Then this spring, City Pages stopped giving out its Twin Cities Right Wing Blog of the Year of the award, leaving us with no left-wing media-endorsed right-wing blogger.

Now the void is filled. For a couple of years or so, the Star Tribune’s Tim O’Brien has been gathering the best of the blogosphere into a weekly column. I took it upon myself to tabulate Blog House mentions over the past year to determine which blog is the Blog House’s Best Right Wing Blog in the Twin Cities.

Over the last year (June 9, 2007 through June 4, 2008) there have been 48 Blog House columns quoting 138 different blogs. Over that period, here are the most quoted blogs:

1. Andrew Sullivan 22

2. The Corner 17

3. MN Publius 15

4. Captains Quarters (now defunct) 13

Josh Marshall 13

6. America Blog 12

7. Marc Ambinder 10

8. The Plank 9

Red State 9

10. Nihilist in Golf Pants 8

Huffington Post 8

Political Animal 8

Truth vs. Machine 8

14. Eric Black Ink 7

Michelle Malkin 7

Right Wing News 7

17. Daily Kos 6

Taylor Marsh 6

19. Mathew Yglesias 5

Residual Forces 5

Swampland 5

Other Notables:

27. Hugh Hewitt 3

27. Minnesota Monitor 3

34. Blog of the Moderate Left 2

34. Cucking Stool 2

34. Ecker Net 2

34. MN Democrats Exposed 2

51. Bogus Gold 1

51. Centrisity 1

51. Instapundit 1

51. True North 1

51. Lambert to Slaughter 1

51. Norwegianity 1

51. Fraters Libertas 1

51. Kool-Aid Report 1

51. Power Line 1

Other Receiving No Blog House Mention:

Shot in the Dark 0 (none)

Wow! The winner is us! This proves that our 2006 City Pages award was not a fluke! We would like to thank Captain Ed for shutting down Captains Quarters and making it possible for us to win this award. We would also like to acknowledge Truth vs. Machine, who technically tied us, but we decided to claim the award for ourselves alone because most of the Truth vs. Machine mentions were probably disapproving. Finally thanks to Tim O’Brien. We will try to be worthy of this honor.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Paging Peter and Mary

Here's a hippie protest song, updated for today:

Where have all the workers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the workers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the workers gone?
They lost their good jobs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the good jobs gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the good jobs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the good jobs gone?
To corportate layoffs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the companies gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the companies gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the companies gone?
Bankrupt from tax increases every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the taxes gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the taxes gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the taxes gone?
New social programs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the new programs gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the new programs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the new programs gone?
To all the workers every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Friday, June 06, 2008

Top 11 Ways Obama and Clinton Intend to Unify the Democratic Party

11. Hillary will denounce whitey in a guest sermon at Trinity Church

10. Barack will cross dress and Hillary will appear in blackface at all campaign events

9. Hillary will teach Barack how to speak with an authentic southern accent

8. They will insist that all of the mean things Hillary said about Obama were actually uttered by Cindy McCain

7. Hillary promised to help Obama with rural voters by arranging a hunting trip for him with the President of the Senate

6. They will read passages from Al Franken to each other and let nature take its course

5. Hillary will travel the country “accidentally” letting slip references to The Manchurian Candidate

4. Hillary will agree to coach Barack on the number of states in the union before each debate

3. Their spouses will have sexual intercourse (Bill's suggestion)

2. Each will get the other's face tattooed on their butts

1. They agreed to send a man to Mars – and agreed that that man will be Bill Clinton

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Barack Didn’t Know Ye

Barack Obama’s reaction to Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s racist rantings:
“This isn’t the Jeremiah Wright I knew.”

Barack Obama’s reaction to the conviction of Tony Rezko:
“This isn’t the Tony Rezko I knew.”

President Obama’s reactionto Iran’s nuclear attack on Isreal:
“This isn’t the Mahmoud Ahmadinejab I knew.”

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Obama: Where The White Women At?

The Pew Research Center for People and the Press suggests that the Obama campaign may be asking that question:

Forty-nine percent of white women view Obama unfavorably, while only 43 percent hold a favorable opinion. In February, 36 percent of these women viewed Obama unfavorably, while 56 percent had a positive perception of the likely Democratic nominee.

Over the same period, Democratic white women’s negative view of Obama increased from 21 percent to 35 percent, while their positive view decreased from 72 percent to 60 percent — roughly the same rate as white women overall.

It looks like Obama's rough treatment of Hillary may come back to harnt him.