Top 11 Ways Obama and Clinton Intend to Unify the Democratic Party

11. Hillary will denounce whitey in a guest sermon at Trinity Church

10. Barack will cross dress and Hillary will appear in blackface at all campaign events

9. Hillary will teach Barack how to speak with an authentic southern accent

8. They will insist that all of the mean things Hillary said about Obama were actually uttered by Cindy McCain

7. Hillary promised to help Obama with rural voters by arranging a hunting trip for him with the President of the Senate

6. They will read passages from Al Franken to each other and let nature take its course

5. Hillary will travel the country “accidentally” letting slip references to The Manchurian Candidate

4. Hillary will agree to coach Barack on the number of states in the union before each debate

3. Their spouses will have sexual intercourse (Bill's suggestion)

2. Each will get the other's face tattooed on their butts

1. They agreed to send a man to Mars – and agreed that that man will be Bill Clinton