Friday, February 17, 2012

Top 11 Answers To The Question: Where Are The Women

As the Obama Administration has trampled on religious freedom, Planned Parenthood and Emily's list have both tried to characterize resistance to the HHS dictate as anti-woman. Recently Planned Parenthood's Facebook page (I refuse to link) and an e-mail from Emily's list published this photo of the congressional testimony on religious freedom with the caption: where are the women?

Here are the top 11 answers to the question: where are the women?

11. Still out in the street attempting to parallel park

10. It's a long walk of shame from Bill Clinton foundation's DC office to congress for female contraception advocates

9. Justin Bieber testifying on music piracy down the hall

8. Testimony conflicted with Susan G Komen race for the abortion

7. Testimony scheduled during "The View"

6. Rumor that there was a spider under the witness table

5. Impact of global warming disproportionately impacts women

4. Congress provided a perfectly good map to several women's rights organizations

3. DC Macy's shoe department had a sale yesterday

2. Photo was taken at the opening of testimony, not 40 minutes late

1. Everyone in the picture technically a female member of GLAAD

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Top 11 Reasons President Obama Is Smarter That The Guy Who Runs The @4More Twitter Account

The guy behind the Twitter account @4More tweeted yesterday, "I can honestly look at President Barack Obama and say, 'that man is smarter than me'."

While I agree with his assessment, I'd caution that he's setting a pretty low bar for the president to clear. Here are the top 11 pieces of evidence 4More isn't as smart as Obama:

11. 4More invested his own money in General Motors and Solyndra

10. 4More is a Packers fan

9. 4More married an ugly woman who wasn't a rich lawyer

8. 4More's autobiography is titled "Dreams of My Hamster"

7. 4More thinks there are 58 states

6. 4More had the idea to send guns AND hookers and booze to Mexican drug cartels

5. 4More has a public school education, while Obama was educated in Indonesia

4. 4More still thinks Joe Biden was as an excellent pick as Vice President

3. 4More can't organize his sock drawer, let alone a community

2. 4More's checkbook routinely off by several trillion $

1. 4More actually believes the stuff Obama says

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Ethel Merman Meets Ron Paul

This morning I saw a snarky article titled "Sh#t Libertarians Say." It featured many unfunny comments like: the Fed is the root of all evil or do you accept gold?

However, there was one comment that made me smile: there's no government like no government. That classis Ether Merman standard could and should be updated to feature libertarian ideals:

There's No Government Like No Government

There's no goverment like no government
I like no government I know
Nearly every law deserves repealing
Don't dare tell me what you will allow
Oh how you would get that happy feeling
Ending the stealing of taxes now

There's no need for government people
They're lowest of the low
Every one's a turkey both evil and bold
They leave you stranded out in the cold
US dollars stink, you need a sack of gold
Government has got to go!

The butcher, the baker, the grocer, the clerk
Are secretly unhappy men becau-ause
The butcher, the baker, the grocer and the clerk
Pay too much taxes due to unjust laws
They'd gladly bid their dreary jobs goodbye
For the welfare train and and why, why-y?

There's no goverment like no government
I like no government I know
Think of all the wars that they have started
On poverty and drugs and on and on
On April 15, money and you'll be parted
Totalitarianis keep dropping bombs

There's no need for government people
They're lowest of the low
Government teachers told you you would not go far
Policemen hastle and stop your car
Like Nazi's they'll require us
To wear a star
Government has got to go!

Nihilist Football Picks: Super Bowl Prediction

Here's my final prediction of the year:

Patriots -3 over Giants

I'll either end up 32-27-1 or 31-28-1 for the pros. I'd remind folks that I went 30-21 in College.