Thursday, May 06, 2010

Top 11 New United Nations Military Honors

The United Nations is contemplating unveiling a new military honor around the new military virtue of Courageous Restraint.

Those who back the idea hope it will provide troops with another incentive to think twice before calling in an air strike or firing at an approaching vehicle if civilians could be at risk.

Most military awards in the past have been given for things like soldiers taking out a machine-gun nest or saving their buddies in a firefight, said U.S. Army Command Sgt. Maj. Michael Hall, the senior NATO enlisted man in Afghanistan.

"We are now considering how we look at awards differently," he said

Here are several other awards the military is considering in this new era.

11. The 90% of Success Medal: Awarded to soldiers who voluntarily return from AWOL

10. Allah-lu-yah Sharpshooter Crescent: awarded to any Muslim US officer who is able to mow down 10 or more of his unsuspecting fellow soldiers at one time

9. The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Medal: for safe and efficient stacking of unused rifles

8. The Distinguished Pencil Pushing Cross: Awarded to rear eschelon soldiers who feel bad that front line troops get most of the medals

7. The Sir Robin yellow heart for bravery in retreat

6. The Legion de Lewis (for French soldiers): For gallantly and faithfully watching every Jerry Lewis movie while on barracks duty

5. The Royal Mr. Bean (for British soldiers): Awarded to POWs whose feelings are hurt or cry under light interrogation or name calling

4. Brokeback Unit Citation: Awarded to units that display special closeness

3. Courage of Convictions Medal: awarded to any military personnel going AWOL to protest involvement in any perceived illegal wars or imperialistic American adventures

2. Congressional Medal of Political Correctness: Awarded for gallantry and intrepidity at risk of common sense above and beyond the call of political correctness

1. The Purple Uterus: awarded to any female military personnel getting pregnant while in a combat zone


Anonymous Boutros Boutros Ghali Ghali said...

Isn't this about NATO and not the United Nations?

10:58 AM  

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