Top 11 Reasons That The United States Lost To Canada In The Olympic Hockey Gold Medal Game Yesterday

11. US couldn't get the puck oot of their zone when it counted

10. US players wanted to give Nihilist In Golf pants an opportunity to whore for another link from Mark Steyn

9. America's disappointing showing in Curling sapped their self-confidence

8. US players distressed by the prospect of splitting a cab to the airport with Patrick Kane

7. In retrospect, pre-game pep talk on the importance of teamwork from Lindsey Vonn & Julie Mancuso probably not a good idea

6. US players distracted by rumors of giant inflatable beavers at the closing ceremonies

5. US players distracted by rumor that NBC had sold sponsorship for the victory call: "Do you believe in Miracle Whip?"

4. Lack of universal single payer health care system made US players worry about injuries suffered when celebrating victory

3. US players were awestruck at the prospect of sharing a plane ride home to the USA with all of the so-called "Canadian" celebrities appearing at the closing ceremonies

2. Canadian women's hockey team promised to throw them a party if they let the Canadian men's team win

1. Who cares? The American national sport is four man bobsled.