Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Top 11 Iranian Plans to Stun the West on February 11

Breaking news out of Tehran:

Supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said on Monday that Iran is set to deliver a "punch" that will stun world powers during this week's 31st anniversary of the Islamic revolution.

The Iranian nation, with its unity and God's grace, will punch the arrogance (Western powers) on the 22nd of Bahman (February 11) in a way that will leave them stunned," Khamenei, who is also Iran's commander-in-chief, told a gathering of air force personnel.

Sounds ominous. Then again, the Muslim world has a history of overblown rhetoric (see Mother of All Battles, Great Satan, etc.). We sure hope this doesn't imply a nuclear detonation over some city the Iranians view as infidel. Especially Chad, who lives in Golden Valley, aka 'Sodom and Gomorrah on the Prairie'. Instead, we're looking for things more of this nature, the Top 11 Iranian Plans to Stun the West on February 11.

11) Change their official reference for the United States to "An Even Greater Satan than We Previously Realized"

10) Declare long overdue fatwa against Ray Stevens for "A-hab the A-rab"

9) Pull Iran's 2-man luge team out of the Winter Olympics

8) Blame Israel for the Vikings' 12 men in the huddle penalty in the NFC championship game

7) Demand that all Persian cats in the West be immediately repatriated to their homeland

6) Announce that during all summit meetings with Secretary of State Clinton, Iranian representatives will wear X-Ray specs.

5) Announce the signing of Joe Mauer to a $50 million a year contract to play for the Tehran Yankee Imperialist Pigs

4) Begin a pistachio embargo designed to bring the West to its snack-loving knees

3) Inflame the Obama administration's greatest fear, threaten to increase their carbon footprint

2) Deliver an extra, extra long and boring speech at the UN

1) Return President Obama's Valentine's Day card without even opening it


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey genius, the Iranians aren't "A-rabs" you know. They are Persians. Your historical igornance is exactly why they hate us.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous LearnedFoot said...

Sisyphus? Is that you?

12:07 PM  
Blogger Mr. D said...

12. Leave an anonymous fatwa in the NIGP comments section.

12:09 PM  
Anonymous sal bass said...

I too blame the infidel Crusader "Saint Paul" for inflaming hatred of the West among the peace-loving Muslims of the world.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

Forming "gay brigade" to comprimise American military after "don't ask/don't tell" is repealed.

8:31 AM  

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