A Linguist on Mars

The following is a conversation I had with a local leftyblogger whilst waiting for the bus. It is fictional: I never take the bus.

Left-Wing Doucheblogger (LWDB): Hey - did you hear about that crazy Michele Bachmann's latest craziness? That crazy woman said her crazy wingnut supporters should stage an armed revolt against the administration. That crazy lady is crazy. Crazy.

LearnedFoot: Yeah, erm.. that's not what she said. I'm afraid you have a tin ear.

LWDB: No. My ear is made out of skin, blood and body parts. Besides I read it on the blogs so it must be true!

LF: There's your first mistake.

LWDB: Can I ask you a question?

LF: Shoot.

LWDB: Huh? I don't have a gun -

LF: Ah...crap

LWDB: ...and in any event, why would I want to shoot you?

LF: I see your problem - it's a metaphor.

LWDB: A what now?

LF: A metaphor. You know: "all the world's a stage..."

LWDB: Oh, now that's just dumb! Everyone knows that the world is the world: made out of dirt and trees and kitties and magma and grass and global warming. You so crazy!

LF: I see that I'm talking to a wall.

LWDB: No. You are talking to me. The wall's over there. Talking to walls is crazy. I bet Michele Bachmann talks to walls. Because she's CA-RAZY!

[LearnedFoot demurs. Awkward silence follows.]

LWDB: [Changing subject] Did you know that the YMCA now has a restaurant?

LF: Interesting. I did not.

LWDB: Yeah, I didn't either. My friend invited me to go tonight. She said I'd enjoy eating -

LF: This conversation is over!