Top 11 Reasons Gary Johnson Didn’t File for the New Hampshire Primary

11. His supporters get a kick out of writing in “Johnson” on the ballot

10. So as not to appear heartless, hired illegal alien to do it and Jose dropped the ball

9. Staff told him not to worry about it because New Hampshire is not a big primary state

8. Was still mourning the death of the inventor of Doritos

7. Didn't see anything in the constitution requiring him to register for the NH primary

6. Distracted by the 200 Godfathers pizzas accidentally delivered to his campaign office

5. Realized that forgetting to file for the New Hampshire Primary was the only way he could generate publicity for his campaign

4. Too busy trying to secure the endorsement of Thad McCotter

3. Fascists at New Hampshire Secretary of State Office refused to accept three Grateful Dead CDs and a bong in lieu of the $1000 filing fee

2. Still waiting for the paperwork on his official name change to “Anyone But Romney”

1. Like the rest of America, forgot he was running for President

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 8/College Week 9

I suggested that there were a lot of trap games last week, and I had my worst week, going 1-2 in both pros and college. My record stands at 16-8 for college and 10-11 for pro. This week I'll revert back to the practice of picking mainly home teams.

College:
Notre Dame -17 1/2 vs Navy
Minnesota +17 1/2 vs Iowa
Stanford -8 1/2 at Southern Cal

Pro:
Panthers -3 1/2 vs Vikings
Steelers +2 1/2 vs Patriots
Rams +15 1/2 vs Saints

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 7/College Week 8

Last week I managed to go 2-1 in both the pros and college games, leaving me at 15-6 for my college picks and 9-9 with my pro picks.

This week features a lot of trap games. There are a lot of mismatches that seem too easy. It's best to avoid those games, but according to my rules I need to pick the Minnesota Gophers and Vikings and both are involved in seeming trap games. Some of the other trap games (Badgers & Steelers) are just too hard to resist. On the other hand, the Rams are one of those teams that deserve some consideration due to the massive amount of points they get:

College:
Southern Cal +7 1/2 at Notre Dame
Minnesota +25 vs Nebraska
Wisconsin -7 1/2 at Michigan State

Pro:
Packers -10 1/2 at Vikings
Rams +12 at Cowboys
Steelers -4 at Cardinals

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 6/College Week 7

I had another perfect week with my college picks. Unfortunately, I was 0-3 with the pros. I now stand at 13-5 with my college picks and 7-8 with my pro picks. Both Notre Dame and Minnesota have off weeks, so hopefully I can find three at large games to keep up my college momentum:

College:
South Florida +7 at Connecticut
Oklahoma State -6 at Texas
Northwestern +7 at Iowa

Pro:
Browns +7 1/2 at Raiders
Texans +7 at Ravens
Bears -2 1/2 vs Vikings

Nihilist Football Picks: Pro Week 5/College Week 6

Last week started well, with a 3-0 record in college. However, I only went 1-2 in the pros. My current record is a respectable 10-5 in college and 7-5 in the pros. This week is tough, as Vegas has lost all respect for the Gophers and the Vikings can't be far behind. Here are my picks:

College
Purdue -10 vs Minnesota
Notre Dame -16 vs Air Force
Michigan -3 1/2 at Northwestern

Pro
Cardinals +3 at Vikings
Falcons +5 vs Packers
Bears +7 at Lions