Top 11 Things We Learned This Week

11. Donald Trump claims to run the classiest, most upscale, smear campaign ever

10. Evidence of earthquakes can be found in Minnesota

9. Evidence of global warming cannot be found in Minnesota

8. British chicks wear really ugly hats

7. The Minneapolis Star Tribune employs union activists as business writers

6. The Vikings won't be winning the Super Bowl any time soon

5. Prince William will one day be king of fantasyland; he has a unicorn on his coat of arms

4. Superman renounced his US citizenship and is now involved in worldwide jihad

3. Ron Gardenhire must be working with the CIA, conducting some sort of enjoyment to test severely debilatating biological agents

2. Prince Charles must be exceedingly heroic, he has more medals on his military uniform than Audie Murphy

1. Obama's mom was a dude named Stanley

Fanfare for Barack Obama

Today I heard the 1995 hit "common people" from the band Pulp. It tells the story of a spoiled rich girl who has no idea what common people go through. As I listened, it hit me that our President is not unlike the main character in the song. With a little rewrite, it fits him well:

He came from Kenya he had a lust for power
He studied Alinsky at Occidental college
That's where he...
Decided to what he would be

He told me that he'd tax the loaded
I said, "In that case I'll have rum and Coca-Cola"
He said, "Fine"
And you can have it on the taxpayer's dime

He said,
"I wanna help the common people
I wanna help them do what common people do
The rich are screwing common people
The rich are screwing common people like you"

Oh, what could America do?
After we went and voted for you

I went off to a supermarket
I don't know why, but I had to start it somewhere
So it started there
I asked why everyone paid with stamps, not real money
But he just laughed and said, "you're so funny"
"Yeah?
Well, that means our program's a success"
Are you sure...

You wanna help the common people
You think you know how common people feel
Give a hand out to common people
You think a hand out will appeal to me?"
But he didn't understand
He just smiled and wagged his hand.

Sit around and cash unemployment
Don't bother, you can't find a job
Do some drugs and play some pool
Send your kid to a crappy government school
Because they can't get it right
'Cause when you're lay in bed at night
Wanting to fend for yourself
He'd rather be fair and spread the wealth.

He'll never get common people
He'll never know what common people do
Washington ain't common people
From the White House, they're not even in view
They'll still hunt and pray, though you
And the government tell them not to

Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get you through
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they're don't need you
And the stupid things that you do
Because you think capitalism is uncool.

He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
He wants to f*** the common people like you
Ohh, la, la, la, la, la
Ohh, la, la, la, la, la
Ohh, la, la, la, la, la
Ohh, la-la-la-la-la
Oh yeah.

Here's the original: