Top 11 Things We Learned This Week

11. Donald Trump claims to run the classiest, most upscale, smear campaign ever

10. Evidence of earthquakes can be found in Minnesota

9. Evidence of global warming cannot be found in Minnesota

8. British chicks wear really ugly hats

7. The Minneapolis Star Tribune employs union activists as business writers

6. The Vikings won't be winning the Super Bowl any time soon

5. Prince William will one day be king of fantasyland; he has a unicorn on his coat of arms

4. Superman renounced his US citizenship and is now involved in worldwide jihad

3. Ron Gardenhire must be working with the CIA, conducting some sort of enjoyment to test severely debilatating biological agents

2. Prince Charles must be exceedingly heroic, he has more medals on his military uniform than Audie Murphy

1. Obama's mom was a dude named Stanley