Top 11 Reasons Gallagher Collapsed And Was Hospitalized In Rochester

11. New assistant during sledge-o-matic bit really botched his instructions

10. Slipped on watermelon rind on the floor and hit his head

9. It's all part of his new impersonation of Tubby Smith's Gophers

8. It's all part of his new impersonation of Don Lucia's Gophers

7. Arteries clogged from eating too much BBQ (Rochester is the BBQ capital of the USA)

6. Somehow it's Sarah Palin's fault

5. Decided that since it's now free under Obamacare, he'd get a full physical at the Mayo Clinic

4. JB Doubtless failed to follow our specific instructions on how much poison to use

3. Shocked over his 45 minutes of material on the similarities between the Mayo clinic and a jar of mayonnaise bombing

2. Overcome by the fact that his career had fallen to doing bar gigs in Rochester

1. The shame of failing to write any new comedy material for 40 years was finally too much for his heart