Top 11 Best Things About The Super Fantastic Recovery Summer

11. Expectations appropriately lowered for Recovery Autumn, Recovery Winter, Recovery Spring, etc.

10. For those with jobs, there are no workplace issues with the FNG because no new guys are being hired

9. Smug passersby no longer feel justified yelling "Get a job!" at panhandlers on the street

8. Waiting in line outside a food shelf more pleasant than during a harsh winter

7. With all the foreclosed homes out there, finding a place to squat has never been easier

6. Narrower economic gap between the United States and the rest of the world

5. Well-targeted stimulus spending means plenty of community puppet shows to attend

4. Formerly employed workers get to see how hard teachers work for 1/4 of the year

3. Increased ratings for daytime TV shows

2. Millions of people across America were able to sleep in late all summer because they didn't have to get up to go to work

1. Chronic unemployment allows enough time to read through all 2,000+ pages of Health Care Reform bill

Top 11 Reasons a Senior Barbara Boxer Aide Was Attempting to Smuggle Pot into the Hart Senate Office Building

Senator Barbara Boxer’s (now former) senior economic advisor, Marcus Stanley, has been busted for attempting to smuggle pot into the Hart Senate Office building. Here are the top 11 reasons he was attempting to smuggle in pot:

11. Because Al Franken’s aide usually brings the coke

10. It was medical marijuana for Senator Boxer’s severe case of Badpollitis

9. Trying to stimulate the economy – or at least Cheetos sales at the Hart Senate Office Building's vending machine

8. Senator Boxer just wanted to research her upcoming guest appearance on “Weeds”

7. Perfectly innocent explanation – was going to plant the pot on Carly Fiorina and call the DEA

6. Trying to embrace the spirit set by President Obama's reference to Hendrix lyrics

5. Relax everybody, the marijuana was a hybrid strain that releases 60% less greenhouse gasses than normal pot

4. Courting a key endorsement from Cheech and Chong

3. Senator Boxer was told that pot would make her smarter

2. Heard that Willie Nelson would be performing on the roof

1. Preparing "Don't blame me, I was totally baked" defense for her voting record