Top 11 Highlights Of The House Democrats' Plan: “A New Direction For America”

11. America will officially become a tri-lingual country: English, Spanish, and French

10. In order to keep voters from being disenfranchised, election results will be certified by MoveOn.org

9. An escalator will be built over the Mexican border fence

8. To reduce global warming by .0000017%, only liberal politicians and celebrities will be allowed to drive SUVs

7. A woman's right to choose will be extended to 3 months after birth (heretofore known as first post-utero trimester)

6. Under no circumstances may Congressional ice boxes be searched

5. Subsidized sand will be provided to allow all Americans to bury their heads and pretend that we're not at war

4. A Constitutional Amendment will make it a felony to question the patriotism of any Member of Congress

3. A resolution will authorize the use of force against the Capitol Police

2. Education will be fully funded and military spending will be restricted to the amount of money that can be raised at a bake sale

1. The rich will be taxed to give you free stuff!