Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Harvard: Not So Selective At Graduation Time

Harvard University is known for its high degree of selectivity when it comes to enrolling students. Unfortunately, it is much less selective at graduation time when it brings in an embarrassing list of speakers to address graduating seniors at Commencement and Class Day festivities. Here is a partial list of (mostly) recent speakers:

11. Seth Macfarlane - 2006 Class Day - Creator of dull and unfunny TV Show "Family Guy," who spent a portion of his speech ripping "South Park" for not being funny.

10. Bono - 2001 Class Day - Overrated rock singer who fancies himself an intellectual.

9. Henry Aaron - 1995 Class Day - Baseball's home run king, who provided the Ivy Leaguers valuable advice on how to hit a curve ball.

8. Kofi Annan - 2004 Commencement - Secretary General of the United Nations, who advised graduates on how to funnel money from their new employers to personal accounts.

7. Derek Bok - 1991 Commencement - Where else would these graduates have had the opportunity to hear the President of Harvard speak? Pathetic.

6. Fr. Theodore Hesburgh - 1973 Commencement - Inviting the president of the University of Notre Dame is basically an admission that Harvard is not as good.

5. Will Farrell - 2003 Class Day - Farrell taunted the Harvard kids with the fact that they never would go to a decent college party like the one depicted in his film "Old School."

4. Al Gore - 1994 Commencement - I wouldn't wish an Al Gore speech on the students of Harvard, or al-Qaida for that matter.

3. John Lithgow - 2005 Commencement - This was the year they called shenanigans and switched the star of possibly the most unfunny TV sitcom ever with Tim Russert, who inexplicably was the Class Day speaker.

2. Ali G - 2004 Class Day - Unfortunately, the Harvard administration thought he would bring much needed diversity to the ceremony.

1. Al Franken - 2002 Class Day - Classy Al included a smear of Mother Theresa in his speech.


Anonymous J9 the wonder K9 said...

At least Seth MacFarlane was SOMEWHAT funnier than those other people...minus Will Ferell. He's funny.

9:37 PM  
Anonymous College Works Painting Scam said...

Well that is interesting... Great article...

8:40 PM  

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