Monday, June 12, 2006

Sometimes You Just Have to Do As You're Told

I rarely succumb to meme requests. However, when Hugh Hewitt orders you to do something, I've found it's best to just do it. Let's just say he made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

I am, of course, talking about his meme of asking the question, "Which sitcom character would you like to be (when you grow up)?" Since we at NIGP are overachievers, I present the top 11 sitcom characters I would like to be (when I grow up).

11. Murray Slaughter - The Mary Tyler Moore Show - Hugh suggested this for me, so I'd better put it on the list. Murray isn't a bad choice either. Sure, he's a bit of a yutz, but he has a ton of good lines and constantly pokes fun at Ted Baxter. Could Ted be an allegory for the mainstream media in general?

10. Colonel Flagg - M*A*S*H - While he was completely psychotic, paranoid and delusional, Flagg stopped at nothing to get the job done. And he hated communists.

9. Chris Peterson - Get A Life - A 30 year-old paperboy who lived with his parents. I would love to attend Handsome Boy Modeling School as Chris did.

8. Jamie Coleman - Men Behaving Badly - He sat around all day drinking and plotting ways to score with the ladies.

7. Alan Brady - The Dick Van Dyke Show - He's a big star, he knows it, and he demands the reverence that comes with it.

6. Elliot Carlin - The Bob Newhart Show - A bitter, sarcastic millionaire, albeit one who needed a regular appointment with his psychologist.

5. Jethro Bodine - The Beverly Hillbillies - Jethro was a millionaire heir with the dream of being a big-time Hollywood producer. He wasn't afraid to show off his 6th grade education.

4. Sledge Hammer - Sledge Hammer - The cop who believed in shooting first and asking questions later. He made Dirty Harry look like Michael Dukakis.

3. Arthur Deitrich - Barney Miller - The wise cracking detective with the dry wit.

2. Norm Peterson - Cheers - The funny barfly.

1. Montgomery Burns - The Simpsons - A filthy rich symbol of corporate America.

I will tag Learned Foot, Katie from Yucky Salad, and Swiftee. Remember, you guys have it easy. You only need to pick one character.

1 Comments:

Blogger Whig1 said...

Top 11 Sit-Com Characters I’d Like to Be

11. Murray the Cop on “The Odd Couple”: Yes, you’d be the lamest character on what was perhaps the best-written show in the history of television, but it would pale in comparison to the ignominy you’d suffer in your future sit-com life. After replacing Pat Morita as the proprietor of Arnold’s on “Happy Days,” you’d be so hard up for work that you’d stay on for the show’s darkest last days and become (by default) the acting powerhouse on “Joanie Loves Chachi.”

10. Crazy Cat on “F Troop”: Who could pass up the opportunity to portray American Indians as they really were?

9. Grandpa on “The Munsters”: He outlived nine wives and didn’t pay a dime of alimony or child support.

8. Elaine Benes on “Seinfeld”: Wait a minute, I am Elaine Benes (http://www.jpeterman.com/cgi-bin/sgdynamo.exe?UID=!+USID!&HTNAME=/html/jp-products/OM/1689.html).

7. Kaye Buell, the Kaye Ballard character on “The Mothers-In-Law”: Like Justice Scalia, I’d like to be able to make obscene Italian gestures without causing a media firestorm.

6. Oliver Douglas on “Green Acres”: Because we all have days when we feel like we’re the last sane man on Earth.

5. Gomer Pyle on “Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.”: Maybe if I had starred in a sit-com that insulted the honor and integrity of the Marine Corps, I could have been more than a part-time news clerk at The New York Times.

4. Hawkeye on “M*A*S*H”: Maybe if I’d been a whiney, effeminate apostate in a bloody war zone, carping about “the chow” and the lack of hot showers while taking shrapnel out of 18-year-old kids who’d just charged a hill full of 50,000 crazed Chi-Comms, I could understand why the Democrats think we’re losing in Iraq.

3. Benson on “Benson”: You wouldn’t understand. It’s a black thing.

2. Henry Hill in “Goodfellas”: Hey, if you’re from my neighborhood in Brooklyn, “Goodfellas” and “Casino” are comedies.

1. Ralph Kramden in “The Honeymooners”: He must be hung like a horse if a guy like him can get a hot chick like Alice.

9:08 AM  

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