Top 11 Things That Zarqawi Did After Making His Latest Video

11. Facial, herbal wrap, and pedicure at Spa Fallujah.

10. Ordered a new Prius.

9. Went to spinning class at Club Jihad.

8. Made sure explosive vests matched suicide bombers' shoes.

7. Sent "Thinking of You" Hallmark card to Osama.

6. Painted toenails the colors of the Palestinian flag.

5. Curled up in cave with a chai latte to read How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life.

4. Watched Will & Grace marathon on Lifetime.

3. Gossiped that Osama's beard makes his hips look big.

2. Backed his SUV into garage door. Again.

1. Declared fatwa on members of Mr. Blackwell's "Worst Dressed" list.