Top 11 Reasons Minneapolis is a Better Choice Than Cleveland For The 2008 Republican National Convention

11. All that confetti near the Cuyahoga River would create a serious fire hazard

10. The poor quality of Twin Cities hookers will help keep attendees on the straight and narrow

9. It just might push Al Franken and Garrison Keillor over the edge to have all those Republicans in town

8. The nominee will be attending the Minnesota State Fair anyway. Does Ohio even have a State Fair?

7. If the convention were held in Cleveland, the delegates would have to travel all the way to Pittsburg[h] to see a professional sports championship trophy

6. The Twin Cities has a statue of Mary Tyler Moore

5. In Cleveland, the delegates might accidentally blunder into that so-called Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

4. The Twin Cities has a bigger mall

3. Just think of the field day the press would have if the nominee got lost on the way to the stage like happened to Spinal Tap in Cleveland

2. Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar would likely botch Hugh Hewitt’s inevitable criminal damage to a tree prosecution

1. There is no way that the American people would put their faith in the judgment of a party that would hold its convention in Cleveland