Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Top 11 Reasons Minneapolis is a Better Choice Than Cleveland For The 2008 Republican National Convention

11. All that confetti near the Cuyahoga River would create a serious fire hazard

10. The poor quality of Twin Cities hookers will help keep attendees on the straight and narrow

9. It just might push Al Franken and Garrison Keillor over the edge to have all those Republicans in town

8. The nominee will be attending the Minnesota State Fair anyway. Does Ohio even have a State Fair?

7. If the convention were held in Cleveland, the delegates would have to travel all the way to Pittsburg[h] to see a professional sports championship trophy

6. The Twin Cities has a statue of Mary Tyler Moore

5. In Cleveland, the delegates might accidentally blunder into that so-called Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

4. The Twin Cities has a bigger mall

3. Just think of the field day the press would have if the nominee got lost on the way to the stage like happened to Spinal Tap in Cleveland

2. Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar would likely botch Hugh Hewitt’s inevitable criminal damage to a tree prosecution

1. There is no way that the American people would put their faith in the judgment of a party that would hold its convention in Cleveland


Anonymous spurringirl said...

There is at least one prostitute out there who would be pretty happy if it was held here.


8:57 AM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

12. Despite claims to the contrary, Cleveland most assuredly does not "rock."

9:11 AM  
Blogger Squirrel said...

If the convention is held in the Twin Cities, maybe they will let Lileks be one of the key-note speakers.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Nicko McDave said...

Which "Pittsburg"? The one in North Dakota?

12:11 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

and we have a cherry on a spoon. what else do you need?

1:08 PM  
Anonymous PolicyGuy said...

Minnesota State Fair attendance in 2005:


Ohio State Fair attendance in 2005: 802,074 in 2005.

California State Fair, 2005: 920,768.

Texas claims to have a bigger fair (of course), but it runs for about twice as long as other state fairs.

12:25 PM  
Blogger hamad said...

hey...the river doesn't catch fire anymore, or any less, and our indoor soceer team won some sort of thing or something, and the other trophies are just really old. they keep them under that special light at our art museum

5:26 PM  

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