Top 11 Real Reasons Lawrence Summers Resigned As President of Harvard

11. He was too slow in starting a Gay Shepherd Studies Program

10. Harvard hasn’t won an NCAA Men’s Hockey title since 1989

9. Kept telling people he would rather be President of Cornell

8. Harvard had to get rid of President Summers before they could hire President Oprah

7. Hasn’t been able to recruit Michael Moore to the faculty

6. Didn’t display the arrogance expected of a Harvard President

5. Faculty didn’t like the way he handled a killer swamp rabbit attack

4. His previous job as Secretary of the Treasury sounded kind of capitalistic

3. He actually allowed Jesse Ventura to teach on campus

2. He sided with Paris Hilton in her feud with Mischa Barton

1. Harvard has had a men’s football team for years, but still has no women’s football team