Saturday, February 18, 2006

A Niggardly Gourmand Meets Discrimination In Maple Grove

This week your humble correspondent faced discrimination and it was ugly. Here is my story. On Friday, I agreed to meet a friend for lunch at Culver's in Maple Grove. While I will not name the principal here, he would not be unfamiliar to readers of this blog. I will call him L. As I waited for him, I spied a Valentine's day promotion hung on the wall. I am paraphrasing, but it read something like:

Bring your sweetheart to Culver's during Valentine's week. When you and your sweetheart each order a value meal, you will each receive a free scoop of Culver's famous custard.

The wheels in my mind turned. I knew L would refuse to claim to be homosexual in order to procure $0.99 worth of delicious Culver's custard. So I quickly devised a cunning plan. We would order our burger baskets and as L would leave to get a table, I would loiter, then mention to the server that he should add the free Custard. Then I would tell L that I had added two scoops of custard to my order and I would get them both!

We ordered and it all appeared to be going smoothly. L left to find a table and I said, "Excuse me! You forgot to add our two free custards."

The server looked askance. "It's a Valentine's special."

"That's right," I said, "We're sweethearts."

"You don't look like sweethearts," the server commented.

"Well we are. Haven't you seen Brokeback Mountain?" I replied.

"Haven't I seen you here with your wife and kids nearly every week? How do you explain that?" the server accused.

"Hey, Heath Ledger's character Ennis had a wife and kids. It didn't make him any less Jake Gyllenhall's sweetheart."

By this time the line behind me was getting restless. The server relented and asked what kind of custard I wanted.

"Two chocolate," I said, pleased with my victory.

I wolfed down both custards before eating my burger, just in case L got any ideas that one was meant for him. It was delicious. Then it dawned on me that I had suffered greatly from the hateful discrimination I had just endured. I shall overcome!


Blogger Tracy said...

Your store is a true inspiration to us all. I'm glad you didn't back down from the ice cream scopper's naked discrimination.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

Knowing how cheap you are, it wouldn't surprise me if you actually would share a pup tent with another shepherd if it meant saving a buck or two.

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the scooper had been smart, he would have said, "Have your sweetheart come on up and give you a sweet kiss on the lips, and you will get your scoop."

2:49 PM  

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