Top 11 Reasons Why Cheney's Hunting Accident Was Not Like Chappaquiddick

11. Cheney wasn't drunk (despite what Lawrence O'Donnell and his imaginary lawyer friends say)

10. Cheney didn't kill his victim

9. Whittington was armed and could have fought back if he felt it wasn't an accident

8. Cheney actually had to pay a fine

7. Cheney didn't go sailing on his boat later that day

6. Cheney got medical aid for Whittington

5. Cheney felt remorse

4. Cheney never forced Whittington to abort a love child in an alley with a coat hanger

3. Cheney accepted full responsibility for his actions

2. Cheney wasn't diddling Whittington

1. Years later, Cheney won't write a children's book about a dog named Birdshot