Top 11 Reasons Iron World Is Closing

Sad news out of Chisholm, MN. The theme park formerly known as Iron World is shutting its doors.

I guess I can tear up that lifetime pass the Nihilist bought me for my birthday last year. Ah well, here are the top 11 reaons why we suspect it's closing.

11) Kids aren't as interested in smelting as they used to be

10) Imax movie about the Bessemer Process didn't attract crowds like they had hoped

9) Lost huge copyright infringement case over mascot Porky the Pig Iron

8) In retrospect, molten iron flume ride was a really bad idea

7) Mounting medical expenses from injuries suffered in Toddler Iron Ball Crawl

6) Inventory of souvenir shop consisted entirely of rusty ingots

5) Most Minnesotans now outsource their iron museum vacations to China

4) Due to global warming concerns, attending Iron World now considered to be a hate crime

3) Disappointed Iron Maiden fans kept trashing the place

2) Strip mining demonstration was inappropriate for children

1) Wait. Iron World opened?