Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Top 11 Janeane Garofalo Lines From the Upcoming Season of 24

11. We're transferring Jack Bauer to a position where he can really help this country, the Global Warming Unit.

10. We don’t have time for those torture gizmos; just make him listen to a tape of my radio show.

9. Ask him why he hates us.

8. I'd love to help with those terrorists, but I'll be spending the next three hours eating, then the next 12 after that catching some sleep.

7. Everything is much better back at CTU-Brooklyn.

6. No, I will not set up a perimeter; that would violate the terrorists’ constitutional right to travel.

5. Jack Bauer has gone rogue, he’s endorsed Newt Gingrich!

4. No one could have survived that blast. The bomb was bigger than my starring role in "The Matchmaker".

3. How come all the good looking terrorists always end up being gay?

2. The assault team will be there in twenty minutes. It would only take ten if we had decent mass transit in this city.

1. Mr. Buchanan! Jack's shredding the Constitution again!

2 Comments:

Blogger Sisyphus said...

BONUS: Top 24-12 Janeane Garofalo Lines From the Upcoming Season of 24:

24. I don’t care how many nukes are about to go off, the union rules are crystal clear: We can’t be forced to work more than 12 hours on without 12 hours off.

23. Hey Bauer, you’re going the wrong way! The real terrorist is in the White House!

22. LA would never have been nuked if the gas tax would have been raised.

21. Did you get a FISA warrant for that?

20. Don’t roll your eyes at me Chloe; everyone knows that Karl Rove is responsible for 9/11.

19. Trying to stop those guys with the suitcase nuke is just a distraction from the problems with our crumbling infrastructure

18. Damn that Jack, he's up to his right-wing agenda again!

17. How long have you worked in this so-called "CTU"?

16. Mr. President, you don't know what Jack Bauer is capable of. He's more dangerous than Karl Rove!

15. No, today's not my period. I'm just naturally this bitchy!

14. The quickest way to end terrorism would be to nuke Halliburton’s world headquarters.

13. It will be a great day when the schools get all the money they need and the CTU has to hold a bake sale to buy a helicopter

12. I'm afraid I'm going to have to report that to the Geneva Convention.

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Great White Snark said...

Heh. I snickered. Well done. See if you enjoy my list:

http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2007/08/28/how-janeane-garofalo-can-save-tvs-24/

4:09 AM  

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