Top 11 Highlights of the Iranian "Nuclear Day" Celebrations

11. All bars will serve radioactive green beer

10. School children with toy guns will kidnap a regiment of Royal Marines

9. Joke candles that won't blow out will be placed on the yellowcake

8. A special "Iranian Nuclear Day" graphic on the GOOGLE home page

7. Jimmy Carter will Grand Marshall the Nuclear Day Parade

6. Instead of hanging homosexuals, they will be beaten to death with spent fuel rods

5. Ahmadinejad will invite Nancy Pelosi to Tehran, tell her that he will stop his nuclear program if she does the Chicken Dance while dressed in a bunny suit and then he will post the video on YouTube and laugh his ass off.

4. One-quarter of all nuclear energy produced will be pledged to heat Al Gore's mansion

3. Protesters will build giant puppets of Bush and Cheney, paint signs accusing the US and Israel of being Nazis, and march through streets chanting "No War With Iran"

2. Unveiling of latest nuclear-capable Iranian missile named "The Twelfth Imam's Jew Destroyer"

1. A really kick-ass fireworks display