Top 11 Reasons Minneapolis Water Smells "Funky"

11. Minneapolis smoking ban too lenient

10. Gangs are throwing too many bodies in the Mississippi

9. That's what happens when you appoint Steve Greenberg as Water Commissioner

8. Secret UN-sponsored mind-control fluoridation program

7. A Powdermilk Biscuit spill

6. City government stockpile of manure to shovel at taxpayers in search of accountability has seeped into water table

5. Soil and Water Conservation District bureaucracy ploy for more funding

4. Don Shelby caused a massive ammonia spill while polishing his ego

3. Global warming melting all the stinking glaciers

2. Banned from Minneapolis Fire Department hot tubs, Bonnie Bleskachek now skinny dipping in the river

1. City officials have begun the process of gradually acclimating us to the smell of the protesters who will be arriving for the 2008 Republican National Convention