Top 11 Real Reasons All Of Those Minneapolis Bars Went Out Of Business

Our good friend Marcus Aurelius at Clearing the Air lists the 19 bars that have gone out of business since the Hennepin County smoking ban has gone into effect. Unfortunately, Marcus has a one-track anti-smoking ban mind and is unwilling to consider other possible causes. So, here are the top 11 real reasons all of those Minneapolis bars have gone out of business:

11. Global Warming
10. Now that Randy Moss has been traded to Oakland, no one wants to go to a bar to watch the Vikings.
9. Karl Rove must have wanted them out of business
8. We haven’t expanded light rail to bring customers to the bars.
7. These bar bankruptcies occur every time Atomizer goes out of town for a couple of weekends.
6. Bar patrons were afraid that the radon levels in the bars would give them lung cancer.
5. If there were an outdoor Twins stadium in Minneapolis, those bars would still be in business.
4. Insurance costs have skyrocketed now that the Hatch daughters are back in town.
3. Not enough illegal aliens to work in the kitchen.
2. An unexplained increase in the number of yuppies ordering bottled water drove out the drinking patrons.
1. Who cares, alcohol is evil too.