The Hurricane Rescue of Movie Star Sean Penn

Listen, my children, and I’ll tell you again
Of the rescue mission of movie star Sean Penn,
On the fifth of September, in Aught-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who’s failed to enjoy this moment of Zen.

Sean said to his agent, “Leaks have sprung in the levee;
I’ll make ‘em forget I ever played Spicoli.
Find me a strong and sturdy boat,
And don’t forget to call the press,
Maybe I’ll even give them a quote” .

Oh to hear what Madonna will say,
When she hears of the hero she let slip away!
He’ll troll the streets of the Big Easy
Not even feeling the least bit queasy,
As he saves those caught in the hurricane sea.

Deep in his heart dwelt a contempt for Bush,
Sean knew the shrub would move too slow.
But instead of waiting to I-told-you-so,
Movie Star Sean Penn got off his tush.
With his posse at his side,
His wife no doubt bursting with pride,
Filling the FEMA breach was his goal,
Little did he know – the boat had a hole.

“Oh dear God, how could it be?
Why do these things always happen to me?”
But it was not in Sean to despair,
Not when he’s needed for the repair.
In the boat was a noble red cup,
Things were starting to brighten up:
With it the water he did bail out,
But what is that Mr. Penn does spy?
A man with a camera, damn that lout,
Sean should punch him in the eye!
But it’s much too late to defuse,
That picture will make tomorrow’s news.
The bloggers will laugh at his gaff,
As they sit at home on their ass.

Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will flip to the news at ten
Where they’ll find a chuckle in the lead:
The heroic antics of the Mighty Penn.