Top 11 Michael Brown Resume Pads

11. Inspired Mick Jaeger to write “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”
10. Cured cancer
9. Nobel Prize in Coolness
8. Captain, USS Jimmy Carter
7. Sex worker of the year, Berlin Legal Brothel Association
6. Field Marshall, Delta Force
5. Gave David Letterman the idea for the Top 10 list
4. Was Hugh Hewitt’s law school roommate
3. Was the Fifth Beatle and Fourth Power Line contributor
2. Foiled David Strom’s plan to blow up the Treasury Building
1. Once successfully managed an emergency