Monday, September 05, 2005

Dueling Top 11 Lists

Recently I posted a poll on the feud between JB Doubtless and Learned Foot. Since this is a holiday weekend, it looks like most of you haven't gotten around to voting yet. Or, like me, you may not be able to make up your mind. In an attempt to help you,, I have constructed two top 11 lists: each filled with reasons to support one side. I hope this helps:

Top 11 Reasons to Support JB Doubtless
11. The National Review reports that Bruce Dickinson said both sides were at fault during the cold war
10. With diatribes on record against punk rock and Bruce Springsteen, as well as a feud with Lileks, JB knows about confrontation
9. Learned Foot's case relies on second-hand testimony from 1991
8. Learned Foot was unable to successfully argue a legal question against non-lawyer Sisyphus
7. JB's case relies on several eyewitnesses from the event
6. JB's hatred against singers named Bruce is well founded (consider: Springsteen, Hornsby, Willis)
5. Listening to "The Elvis Channel" for the entirety of his bachelor party showcases JB's excellent knowledge of music
4. Learned Foot thinks Puke & Snot are funny, showcasing his poor judgment
3. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats
2. Ozzy Rules!
1. Learned Foot is a shyster attorney

Top 11 Reasons To Support Learned Foot
11. The National Review Online backs up his assertion that conservatives should like Iron Maiden
10. With diatribes on record against virtually everyone on the internet and too many feuds to mention, Learned Foot knows about confrontation
9. The Ohligarch supports Learned Foot
8. JB Doubtless was drunk on Maker's Mark when he made his accusation
7. JB's case relies on a drugged out guitar player who is dependent on Sharon Osbourne for his paycheck
6. JB has a history of hatred for singers named Bruce
5. With influences ranging from the Starland Vocal Band to Iron Maiden, Learned Foot has a diverse knowledge of music
4. JB is on record supporting TGI Fridays and Budweiser, showcasing his poor judgment
3. Dementee will bite your head off if you support JB
2. Sharon Osbourne is an unstable media whore
1. Rosie O'Donnel's facial hair is more manly than JB's


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quotes from Bruce Dickinson:

I hate Walmart, and I hate the corporatization of everything in America. I despise it. People need to have their minds made up for them, at this moment, and they need to liberate themselves from that. It drives me nuts.


I was a kid and brought up with the Apollo missions. What I thought was cool was the whole concept that people were just doing all this because it was there. It was an exploration. Then I realized it had nothing to do with exploration, it was about domination of some other country and putting nuclear bombs in space. It sucks.

That sound like a conservative to you?

6:53 PM  

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