Monday, September 12, 2005

Vegas Observations

I’ve been in Las Vegas for the last couple of days now, back for the first time since September 10, 2001. Here are some of my observations.

* Sadly, what I’ve often feared has finally coming to pass – Vegas is starting to become over-commercialized.

* I’m sure the Mafia deserves most of the criticism they receive, but you’ve got to admit: they sure know how to run a strip club.

* There is much less traffic on the strip at 9 AM Friday than at 2 AM Friday.

* It is foolish to travel to foreign countries when you can go to Las Vegas and experience in just a few blocks: Paris (without the rudeness), Rio (without the crime), New York City (without the smell), The Middle East (without the terrorism), and Venice, Northern Italy, and Ancient Rome (without French tourists). Plus, all of the cocktail waitresses wear skimpy uniforms.

* It is a strong indication that your sports betting is not going well when your most profitable pick of the weekend is the Gopher football team.

* The following suck: Dave Wannstedt and Pitt, Johan Santana and the Twins, the Denver Broncos, the Carolina Panthers, Chad Henne and Michigan (they suck most of all), blackjack and the laws of probability.

* As mediocre as my sports betting was, it could have been much, much, worse had I not followed this maxim: Do not surf the web in Vegas lest you become tempted to follow the Nihilist’s football picks.

* Many people don’t realize it, but Las Vegas does have Churches. In fact, the Catholic Cathedral of Las Vegas is located right on the strip (near the Wynn casino). Las Vegas churches often have impressive services thanks to the number of professional performers who are parishioners. For example, the cantor at the mass I attended had such an impressive voice that he must have a job singing in one of the shows. Also, I understand that the Unitarian Service contains an excellent topless revue.

* 105 degrees is hot even if it is a dry heat.

* New Orleans cops really know how to party.

* I assume that the wedding of JB Doubtless and the Doubtlessette went off without a hitch as neither turned up in Vegas.

* Prostitution is legal in parts of Nevada, but not in the city of Las Vegas.

* “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” should not be a mere guideline, but an ironclad law enforced by the government with every resource at its disposal.

* For the first time in years, I saw a cigarette machine.

* If you don’t properly apply sunscreen, you can put a serious damper on your trip.

* No matter how long you’re staying, there is never enough time to visit the Hoover Dam.

* Blackjack dealer Rona never busts and regularly gets blackjacks.

* It is very easy to go four days in Vegas without hearing any non-sports related news.

* It is also very easy to get a good meal in Vegas.

* It is inevitable that you will tire of the sound of slot machines.

* There are surprisingly few decent Elvis impersonators in Vegas.

2 Comments:

Blogger Nicko McDave said...

I suppose if you blog about it while you're still in Vegas, then it technically *is* staying there...

4:03 AM  
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