Saturday, August 20, 2005

Communiqué

TO: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
FROM: You Know Who
SUBJECT: Everything is going according to plan

My Dear Neocon Minions,
Please, please, please, let’s all settle down now. Oh, ye of little faith. Of course, Mother Sheehan is one of my operations – and it’s going exactly as I planned. I knew it was only a matter of time before the moonbats co-opted the widow or mother of a dead soldier, so with the help of a patriotic Bush supporter named Cindy Sheehan, I made a preemptive strike.

Expect her pronouncements to get loonier and loonier. Heh, heh heh. Those meddling Kos Kids don’t suspect a thing. Heh heh heh.

The Roberts appointment is going so well I’m almost embarrassed to bring it up. More as a joke than anything, we’ve released everything in the White House archives that so much as has Roberts’ name on it. Heh heh heh heh and heh. That ought to keep the Post, Times, and Hugh Hewitt busy looking for another smoking gun as damaging as the time he recommended that Reagan not meet with Michael Jackson (hey Hugh, try reading my memos). Heh heh. Keep looking, maybe you’ll find the document where he advises Nicole Brown not to marry O.J. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

I have a side bet with Cheney: 5000 shares of Halliburton says that I can get Durbin to denounce Roberts as a “Papist” during the confirmation hearings. Candy from a baby.

Our only potential problem is the Air America scandal – it is going too well. At this rate we will destroy Al Franken before he has the’08 Minnesota Senate nomination. Let’s tone this down a bit. I MUST HAVE A COLEMAN-FRANKEN SENATE MATCH UP. It will free up valuable resources for other races.

YOUR MARCHING ORDERS:
More of the same.

Signed,
K

P.S. Halliburton is now up over 35% in the second term. Oh, yes, heh heh heh.

4 Comments:

Blogger LearnedFoot said...

Sis,

So, you didn't get invited to JB's bachelor party either, huh?

LF

11:49 AM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

LF,
No I wasn't invited to JB's bachelor party either. It's a shame because I hear that Nick Coleman was invited and I've always wanted to meet him.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From: Most Learned Bagel-Snarfing Neoconservative Elder of Zion #5
To: Distribution List

Subj: MONDAY MEMO

1. OK, it's Monday, let's put our noses to the grindstone, etc. (MLBNEZ #7, could you draft my pep talk for next week's memo? You do that kind of thing better than I do.)

2. MLBNEZ #12 is at Camp Cindy this week to ensure that she stays on message. #19, you have it next week. (Yeah, I know there isn't a good deli within twenty miles. Suck it up, already even!)

3. Coffee mess dues for September: please pay up to MLBNEZ #8, who's the mess treasurer this month. (BTW, #8, make sure you get a LOT of Jamaican Roast from Michael's Coffee Shop--#16's leading a bid & proposal effort, see next para).

4. We have a bid & proposal for Operation CUPCAKE. Looks like we'll be competing with the Bavarian Illuminati and the Gnomes of Zurich. We're very well positioned to win this bid. However, in support of the proposal team, I'm going to have to ask everyone not on the CUPCAKE effort to not drink the Jamaican Roast from Michael's Coffee Shop--it's reserved for the B&P team.

5. Speaking of the coffee mess: just because it's called a "mess" doesn't mean you're supposed to make one. 'Nuff said.

7. Mandatory meeting with the Halliburton reps on Wednesday, 9 AM, main conference room.

8. OK, that's it--let's get to work people.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Subsunk said...

Seriously, you guys have too much time on your hands.

This couldn't be any funnier if He Who must Not Be Named hired some left wing comedian-writer to do it for him.

Did I hear you say I just outed MLBNEZ #7? Sorry about that.

Subsunk

1:28 PM  

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