Sunday, November 30, 2008

Top 11 Minnesota Arts Grant Applications by Nihilist in Golf Pants Contributors

Now that the state of Minnesota has voted to give free money to artists, we here at Nihilist in Golf Pants have decided to explore our artistic sides. Here are our top 11 Minnesota arts grant applications:

11. $10,000 or $110,000: For a documentary entitled “No Ugly Chicks”, that explores the bodies of a diverse group of women from around the world. (Filmed behind the scenes at the Miss Universe pageant. If we get the larger grant, we will try to hire John Hinderaker to narrate.)

10. $10,000: To purchase a state of the art high definition, surround sound entertainment system with 52" hi-def plasma screen and Bose wireless speakers in order to view hockey games and test the theory that material possessions cannot buy happiness.

9. $6,000: To finish a documentary exploring Atomizer’s aesthetic on mixing and drinking the ideal Bombay Sapphire martini.

8. $3000: For a short film called "Happy To Pay More" that consists of nothing more than shots of the facial expressions of Minnesota taxpayers as they open their property tax statements.

7. $4,000: For finishing the choreography and purchasing the props for “The Fridge to Couch Beer Dance”, a cross-cultural project that will reach a new level of sophistication in the transport of foreign beer from storage (the fridge) to point of consumption (the couch).

6. $12,000: To photograph Hawaiian shirts originally purchased in Minnesota on actual Hawaiian beaches.

5. $6,000: For a series of photographs of top shelf single malt scotch bottles in various states of emptiness.

4. $2,000: To compose a series of poems exploring the alienation and angst brought on by the tragic loss of back-dated stock options.

3. $6,000: To develop two new styles of music: poopumentary and Latin Baconbeat (joint application with Kool-Aid Report)

2. $10,000 - to fund continuing performance art exhibition, called "the Northern Alliance Radio Network," parodying the insecurity, ignorance, and hate of the xenophobic white male in modern American society.

1. $3,000 to purchase extra large glass basin and cases of light beer for composition of art work in which an entire year's worth of Nick Coleman columns are submerged in the collective artists' urine.


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