Thursday, November 06, 2008

President Obama’s Cabinet

Since the Nihilist has spiked all of my posts calling on the Joint Chiefs to stage a military coup, I’ve decided to join him in welcoming our new celebrity-socialist overlords. In the spirit of cooperation, I offer President-elect Obama my insight into whom he should be considering for his cabinet:

Secretary of State – Scarlet Johansson

Ms. Johansson would be extremely popular with foreign dignitaries. One problem is that she refuses to sleep with those she doesn’t agree with politically. However, I’m sure Obama could convince her to seduce a Sarkozy, Berlusconi, or Merkel, if it came down to that.

Secretary of the Treasury – Oprah
There will be a lot of people pushing Oprah for Secretary of State, but those people will be wrong. Where we need Oprah right now is Treasury. She could drastically increase tax revenue overnight simply by renaming the IRS: “Oprah’s Investment in America Club”.

Secretary of Peace – Stephen Spielberg
If aliens do invade, no one will be better prepared to make peace with the invaders than Stephen “E.T.” Spielberg.

Attorney General – George Clooney
I never saw it, but I hear he played a lawyer in “Michael Clayton”. Plus, he would never replace a U.S. Attorney for partisan reasons.

Secretary of the Interior – Ben Affleck
Obama will have to find a position for Affleck where he can do minimal damage. The outdoors is pretty big and hard to screw up.

Secretary of Agriculture – Bruce Springsteen
The boss once came out with an album titled, “Nebraska”. Nebraska is a big farm state.

Secretary of Commerce – Oprah
I know I already have her at Treasury, but we’re talking Oprah – she could cover the Commerce Department on the weekends.

Secretary of Labor – Chris Rock
Chris Rock has got to be the hardest working man in show business.

Secretary of Heath and Human Services – Ted Danson
Remember, Ted Danson was not just Sam Malone, he was also Dr. Becker.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Barry Manilow
Not so much for the Housing, but for the Urban Development.

Secretary of Transportation – Larry David
Early Prius owner Larry David will be the perfect one to make us laugh while telling us what car we have to drive.

Secretary of Energy – Leonard Nimoy
I can think of no better preparation for heading the Energy Department than serving as the Enterprise’s science officer.

Secretary of Education – Robin Williams or Richard Dreyfuss
This may be Obama’s toughest decision. Should he go with Mr. Holland’s Opus or the Dead Poet’s Society? I say he can’t go wrong either way.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs – Oliver Stone
Stone has to be rewarded for his “W Chronicles” movie and he has always shown an interest in veterans.

Secretary of Homeland Security – P. Diddy
Diddy has managed to survive many years as a prominent rapper. He and his posse must know a thing or two about security.


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1:16 AM  
Blogger Saint Paul said...

Also qualifying Spock for the Department of Energy was his participation in this song:

I can imagine it being played before each of his DOE press conferences. That would be some must see CSPAN.

3:52 PM  
Blogger John F Not Kerry said...

Sally Field for Secretary of Agriculture for her role in some forgotten farm movie, or Secretary of Labor for her work in "Norma Rae".

Tom Cruise for Attorney General. He played a lawyer in a couple films, and everybody wins the Kevin Bacon degrees of separation game with him there.

11:52 PM  

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