Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Top 11 More Appropriate Names For The University Of Denver's Sports Teams Now That They've Decided Not To Bring Back Their Pioneer Mascot

The University of Denver has decided that bringing back their former mascot "Boone The Pioneer" would be insensitive and hurtful:

DENVER - Boone the Pioneer, the longtime face of the University of Denver, will stay in retirement after the school's chancellor called the cartoon "divisive" and said it doesn't reflect diversity.

The cartoon image of a grinning pioneer with his coonskin cap was the official mascot of the university from 1968 until 1998, when he was replaced by Ruckus, a red-tailed hawk.

Alumni and students urged Chancellor Robert Coombe to return the retired mascot to official or semi-official status.

Coombe sent an email to the university community on Monday rejecting that idea.

The e-mail read, in part, that DU "cannot adopt an official mascot that has a divisive rather than unifying influence on our community."

Coombe wrote that the cartoon pioneer "does not reflect the broad diversity of the DU community and is not an image that many of today's women, persons of color, international students and faculty, and others can easily relate to as defining the pioneering spirit."

DU spokesman Jim Berscheidt said Boone "doesn't really represent the DU of today."

In light of that decision, we think DU should scrap the Pioneers completely and come up with a new name for their sports teams that better represents the school today. Here are our Top 11 suggestions:

11. The Eunuchs

10. The International Female Persons of Color

9. The Vegan Goddesses

8. The Rainbow Peacemakers

7. The Sensitive Bureaucrats

6. The Pretty Ponies

5. The All Inclusives

4. The Davy No Cocketts

3. The Brokeback Mountaineers

2. The Crimson Hermaphrodites

1. The Community Organizers


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is awesome. Keep it up!

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad my father isn't alive to see how far his college has sunk into the PC swamp.

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the community organizers haha

1:12 PM  

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