Top 11 Things That Will Change in the Post 2008 Economy

11. Leading U.S export item: Water that has been turned into wine by Obama.

10. Taxes increased until all nations in the world approve of us

9. Barney Frank dumps his Fannie Mae executive boyfriend in favor of a bigwig at The Money Store

8. Andrew Zimmern's next column will be a combination scathing indictment of capitalism and review of the soup of the day at the Dorothy Day Center

7. Andrea Mitchell forced into marriage with Ben Bernanke

6. The Department of Housing and Urban Development revolutionized by Secretary Tony Rezko

5. The Obama administration mandates that Pork Bellies be called Palin Bellies

4. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac convince the public that the real culprit was the late comedian, Bernie Mac.

3. Warren Buffet infuses $5 billion of capital into Pawn America

2. The Original Mattress Factory produces a mattress with ready-made pockets for stuffing cash and becomes the hottest stock on Wall Street.

1. Lender of last resort: The Nihilist in Golf Pants (awash in royalty cash from bloggers stealing this bit).