Top 11 Plans to Cut Costs at the Star Tribune

11) Fire reporters, publish DFL press releases verbatim

10) Fire editorial board, start plagiarizing Henrik Hertzberg again

9) Fire columnists, hire $50 hobby columnists

8) Start delivering Star Tribune to pubic restrooms as toilet paper, include them in subscription numbers

7) To save newsprint costs, enforce strict one syllable limit on all words

6) Lobby legislature to make it a felony to take more than one paper from boxes without paying

5) Use Par Ridder’s password to hack into Pioneer Press computers and just run their stories

4) Have Lileks drive delivery truck after he's done reporting for the day

3) Double efforts in ignoring investigation into radical Muslims in the Twin Cities

2) Replace Paul Douglas with a monkey who throws darts to predict the weather

1) Make the writer of the Blog House column also start writing an Out House column about interesting political commentary written on public bathroom stalls