Top 11 Reasons US Cancer Rates Are Dropping

11. Societies most vulnerable are being sent to Iraq

10. New Democratic congressional majority has made everything better overnight

9. It couldn't possibly be that the American health care system is the most innovative and progressive in the world; must just be luck

8. The grim reaper joined a union and is slacking off

7. Increasing murder rate in Democratic controlled inner cities killing more people before they can get cancer

6. Global warming killing everyone first

5. Thanks to Taco John's and Olive Garden, more people are dying of e-coli and heart disease

4. Someone must be illegally using embryonic stem cells to cure cancer

3. Dick Cheney continues to hunt with cancer-prone old guys

2. Smoking bans saving lives - take that Westover!

1. Wal-Mart arranged it because they want more customers