Top 11 Changes in Store Now That Nancy Pelosi has Given Power to “The Children”

11. Nationwide minimum allowance of $100 per week

10. All Halliburton contracts awarded to Bob the Builder

9. Repeal of sales tax on candy

8. No timeouts without conviction by a jury of peers

7. School day cut to two hours, an hour and a half of which must be recess

6. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Elmo all awarded the Medal of Freedom

5. Removal of draconian prohibitions against porn, tobacco, and alcohol during Saturday morning cartoons

4. Forced eating of vegetables considered a violation of the Geneva Convention

3. Thomas the Tank Engine given control of Amtrak

2. Soda pop in all of the nation’s drinking fountains

1. Our new national anthem: The Barney song