Top 11 Pieces of Political Advice That Jimmy Carter Offered His Son

11. Instead of sinning in your heart, sin for real. It's much more pleasurable.

10. No one knows what "Inordinate" means.

9. A sh!t-eating grin is more effective than coherent policy statements.

8. Promise to raise taxes to pay for a better Nevada (actually advice passed on from Walter Mondale).

7. Don't quote your sister Amy's foreign policy advice in a debate.

6. Never use the word "malaise" in a major policy speech.

5. Remind the voters that even if you nearly destroy the country, you will make a great ex-Senator.

4. Plaid does not photograph well.

3. Stay away from rabbits.

2. Don't be surprised if you lose due to cheating by the Republicans. American elections don't have the legitimacy of those held in Venezuela or Zimbabwe.

1. Funerals are great forums for viciously attacking your opponents.