Monday, February 06, 2006

Top 11 Reasons That The Rolling Stones Agreed To Perform At Super Bowl XL

11. The Stones are now near-destitute after a season of betting heavily on the Nihilist's football picks

10. They're saving up to buy Canada and just need a couple million dollars more

9. They've spent their whole lives being just behind Paul McCartney, why change?

8. Thought it was the perfect place to test Mick's new malfunction-proof wardrobe

7. Appreciated the irony of plan to only let under-40 folks into the dance area

6. Keith was recently the victim of a telemarketing scam

5. They hoped to boost sales for their single Sweet NeoCon

4. Contractually obligated to promote their new tour sponsor with the song Nutra Sweet NeoCon

3. Keith thought he was there to get some Super Blow

2. Have you looked at the price of Viagra lately?

1. Hoped to follow in the footsteps of Muddy Waters and have Scott Johnson describe their performance as "a glorious moment in the history of Western civilization."


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