Saturday, August 27, 2005

I Hate The Minnesota State Fair

It’s once again the most annoying time of the year in the Twin Cities: State Fair time. That means I’ll have this conversation at least a dozen times:

So, when are you going to the Fair this year?

I’m not.

What do you mean? Have you been there already? Aren’t you going again? I go two or three times a year.

No, I’m not going at all. I hate the Fair.

No, seriously, when are you going?

I really seriously hate the Fair: over-crowded, bad traffic, no decent parking – it has no redeeming aspects to me.

How can you hate the Fair? What about the food?

I hate the food. It’s greasy, exorbitantly priced, and the fact that it is on a stick does nothing for me.

If you can’t afford the admission price, I know a place where you can climb over the fence.

It’s not the cost. In fact, there are too many smelly poor people at the Fair.

What about all the eye candy?

When you take into consideration all of people who are painful to look at, the ratio of good looking people is probably no better than at Michael Moore’s fat farm.

Okay, but don’t you want to see the prize winning livestock?

If you’ve seen one giant hog, you’ve seen them all.

The … the ... the … live radio shows. Don’t you want to see your favorite radio shows broadcast live?

Not really, I don’t have to go down to the Fair to listen to them, and why would I want to see them? Most radio people aren’t on the air for their good looks.

….. The NARN Broadcast …… don’t you want to see all of the hot, hot, Brian “Saint Paul” Ward groupies?

Okay, you do have a good point there, but the young hotties tend to be focused just on Brian.

But … but … but … the free stuff.

You mean the KS-95 refrigerator magnet and the Pioneer Press tote bag? I can afford to buy my own plastic bags.

Ggggggo … g go … back to Alabama … sicko.

I’ve had this conversation six times already, six more to go.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If someone kept going aroung me asking me question after question about the fair I hate, I'd knock his head off his shoulders! ;-) PEACE & HOLLABACK

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done - love it...from a San Mateo Vet

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Doug said...

This thread is making me hungry for Spam. On a stick. With bees.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Just Me said...

I live in the State Fair neighborhood, and I love it when people puke on my lawn, whiz on my bushes, scream in a voice loud enough to wake the dead, drive like they're on a tractor in the "back 40", block my driveway, smash my car windows and pepper my windshield with literature.

Yep, gotta love that "Minnesota nice"...

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you. Fuck the fair. Suburbanites staring at farm animals with only slightly fatter asses than themselves.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Dr Andre Phufufnik said...

Swollen breasts. Pillow arms. 'Front butts.' And that's just the men.

The Fair is a spectacle. I cannot endure it.

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