Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Abu Ghraib Minnesota

Fishing for walleye is an important part of Minnesota’s tourism industry. It has long been a tradition for the Governor to take a party out fishing on opening weekend. It is also common for the Governor and his party to throw back any walleyes they happen to catch. Until this year, it has not been traditional to torture and sexually humiliate the walleyes before releasing them.

Not only did First Lady Mary “Lynndie England” Pawlenty do just that, but she also joked about it and posted a photo on the Governor’s website (don’t click unless you’re a sick bastard).

Much like at Abu Ghraib prison, Mistress Mary forced two walleyes, against there will, to “kiss” each other. We don’t know the sex of the fish (if you are a biologist and can determine the sex of the fish from the photo, please leave a message in the comments) and we don’t know their sexual orientations, but we do know that the kiss was not voluntary. Indeed, it is probable that fish don’t like to kiss at all. This sordid affair could destroy the walleye population of the entire lake. These fish may be so traumatized that they enter into a series of dysfunctional relationships, eventually spreading dysfunction throughout the entire lake (kind of like what’s described in the Meatloaf song “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”). The next thing you know the walleye are no longer reproducing naturally.

And look at the Governor just standing there smiling as a lake is destroyed, not even realizing that his hopes for the Presidency/Vice Presidency are perishing right along with it. Governor, this is your killer rabbit moment.

I bet he wishes he invited us to that reception now.


Blogger Nicko McDave said...

What the Pawlentys are doing is just a distraction from the real issue. While the Governor and his wife are playing fraternity pranks and the media is accusing them of torture, Craig Westover is engaging in wholesale slaughter of fish, chopping up the corpses, and freezing them in yellow body bags. The remains are then bartered in exchange for US currency and fed into ovens by the dozens.

I know this for a fact because I saw Westover's picture all over the yellow bags at the supermarket.

12:00 PM  

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