Wednesday, May 11, 2005

John Bolton's True Problem

John Bolton's Senate conformation as Ambassador to the United Nations has struggled since the day President Bush nominated him. Currently it sits in committee, where a party line vote would bring his name to the Senate floor to an overwhelming Republican majority.

Yet even a good number of Republicans don't know if they can vote for him. Critics claim he has a record of belittling the importance of the UN. Others point out that he has been harsh and rude to subordinates. Some just don't like his moustache. Yet it is the unspoken reason that has done his nomination the most harm. His name is similar to that of sappy balladeer Michael Bolton.

There are few issues on in America that are truly non-partisan. Yet Republicans, Democrats, Greens and Libertarians concur in near unanimity around the following proposition: Michael Bolton sucks; his music, his hair, everything about him sucks. If Michael Bolton elicits such a stomach turning reaction from good decent Americans, who can blame the most loyal disciple of George W. Bush for wanting to disassociate himself from another Bolton.

Over the next month we should find out whether John Bolton can overcome the handicap of his name. Yet George W. Bush and those who follow him in the White House will undoubtedly learn a valuable lesson from this confirmation process.

In our lifetime, we will never see a Justice Manilow, a Secretary Tesch, a Joint Chief Newton, a Judge Goulet, or (heaven forbid) an Ambassador Springsteen.


Blogger pinkmonkeybird said...

How about if he trimmed his moustache and combed his hair back? Would that be enough to squeak him through?
Or what if Michael Bolten met his untimely demise and didn't have term insurance? Would that change the equation?

9:37 PM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

You're not talking about the guy from "Office Space" are you? 'Cuz I thought he was pretty cool.

12:29 PM  

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